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The Nigerian Princess Wants You, Sexy
Author: Closet FetishistWritten: July 29th, 2009
It is around noon when I receive a strange message on one of those lesser known dating sites; it reads like spam and yet, for some reason, I don't treat it like spam. I treat it like this is my shot, this is the one...this is the one who truly loved me. I take a quick look at her profile picture; she's beautiful.
She left an instant messenger screen name in her message and I waste no time in adding her to my buddy list. She is online now. She makes first contact.
"Hey, how are you?" The words appear on my screen.
"Doin' alright, how are you?"
"Very well, hun."
"That's good, glad to hear it."
"My name is Dana, what's yours?"
"Jack. That's a beautiful name Dana."
"Thanks. I don't like to mess around...I'm going to get right to it."
She spends the next several minutes and countless lengthy messages on what she is looking for in a man. She's 27 and hopes to get married someday relatively soon. I'm 22 and barely out of college, I'm not ready for that but truly, everything she looks for are qualities I possess without even trying; they are just apart of me and who I am.
"I could be all those things for you.""I'm glad."
Silence.
"Hun, do you love me?"
"I hardly know you but what I do know I do love."
"I love you too, baby. I need a favor."
"Anything."
"Hun, they are going to shut down my internet; I need some money."
The logical side of me tells me to forget this, forget her; it insists that this is a scam for my cash. The emotional and lonely side of me informs me that this is what lovers do, they help their lovers.
The emotional side won.
"How much do you need?"
"How much can you give, baby?"
"Whatever you need, I just want to help you out."
"I need just $300 to pay the isp, hun."
"Can you do Western Union?"
"Sure, babe."
So I wire her $300.
"Money is one the way; I love you so much."
She goes offline.
A few days go by until I receive another message from her.
"Hey baby!"
"Hey, how are you?"
"Doing good."
"Good."
"Yeah, I sorted out this whole thing with the internet company."
"I'm glad."
"Yup, you have me to talk to for another month."
"We'll have to use that month to the fullest then."
She uses a smilie.
We talk at length trying to get to know each other. All my original fears of her being fake start to melt away and I feel good, better than I have in years.
"We need to meet someday soon," she soon says.
"Yes we do."
"Could you come over here?"
"To Iowa?"
"Yes baby."
"My whole life is here...but I guess I could.""When baby?"
"Um...I could come next month maybe."
"You should leave right now hun."
"Why?"
"Don't you want to see me?"
"Of course."
"And I want to see you so you should get a ticket and come right now."
"I'm not sure."
"Why not?"
I wish I had a real excuse...but I don't. I pull the trigger.
"Okay, I'll do it."
"Great, call me when you get in."
She gives me her phone number.
"Will do, I love you so much babe."
She goes offline.
I arrived in Des Monies and I proceed to call her.
"Hello?" She sounded as if she didn't expect anyone to call.
"Hi, Dana?"
"Yes?"
"It's Jack, from the internet."
"Hi Jack, how are you?" She asked flatly.
"Fine. How are you?"
"Good, why are you calling Jack?"
"I'm in Des Monies, I want to come see you."
"Oh. Okay. Um, in the town of Willey there is a place that rents cabins. Go there, I'll be in cabin 12."
"Alright, cool. I love you baby."
The line clicks.
Willey is two hours away from Des Moines. The drive is beautifully rural but as darkness falls it becomes hard to see anything at all, including the road. Somehow I manage to get to the cabins.
I find Cabin 12. I knock.
"Come in,"
As I step inside I am greeted by the most gorgeous beauty that I have ever laid my eyes upon. Truly a magnificent wonder was this woman. She lies fully extended on the bed in a very see through nightgown. She wears nothing underneath.
"Hey babe, you must be Jack."
"Yes, you're Dana?"
"You were expecting someone else perhaps?" She asks with a smile.
I shake my head no.
"Come, lay down next to me. Take off your clothes."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah seriously. Do it. Come on. I want you so bad."
I quickly do what she asks and hop into bed with her. She doesn't waste time as she gets on top of me and proceeds to kiss me passionately. All I focus on is her, all my mind is on is her. Suddenly, she backs away and I want more.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing."
She is sitting on my chest, her skinny body barely felt on mine.
Then I notice my hands were stuck behind me; I look up and see that both my wrists are handcuffed to the bedposts.
I look at her and she is smiling devilishly.
I smile too, "Like it a little kinky huh?"
"I do indeed."
"I can dig it."
"Not for long I'm sure."
I'm not quite sure what she meant by that but the smile didn't leave my face.
Slowly, sensually, she scoots closer and closer to my face. When she is close she turns around and...plants her ass smack dab on me. She is sitting on my face. Her moist, tightly puckered asshole is pressed up directly against my nose; I feel it on me.
"What is this game?" I manage to mumble out.
"This game is called, Fart on the Dude from California Until He Passes Out So I Can Steal Everything in His Wallet."
I laugh, "No, seriously."
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
There is certainly some truth to this game. The fart she laid is thick and hot, it smells of old cheese and rotten eggs. The stench is unbearable. I try to throw her off but it is useless. Consciousness begins to leave me.
PRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Another fart rings out, smaller than the previous but worse in every other possible way. I fade.
I wake up. I'm still tied to the bed and the air around me is heavy and stinks like shit. There is a gag in my mouth now. Questions zoom in and out of my brain but I can't put a finger on any single one of them, let alone any of their answers.
"Oh God!"
I hear the exclamation from another part of the cabin. Then a loud splosh.
BRRRPPPPPPPP! And another splosh.
I start to recognize the sound. Someone is taking a shit.
Dana exits the bathroom a few moments later. I didn't hear the flush on the toilet.
"Hey baby."
I say nothing, I just look afraid.
She comes towards me and spreads her shit caked cheeks in front of me. A smell hits me that have to be inhuman.
She mounts the bed and sticks her shitty butt in my face. She rubs it on me.
BRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
A loud, wet fart sputters on my face.
"There you go, baby."
I just sit there, looking defeated. I am defeated.
She walks sensually towards the door.
She pulls a matchbox out of her jeans pocket. She strikes it.
PRRRBBMMMPPPP!
"By the way...I love you baby."
I shake my head no as she tosses the match into the gas filled room. There is an explosion.
I rise from my bed in a cold sweat. I'm in my bed. This is my room.
I run to the computer and I see the message on the screen.
I hit delete.