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Always Bet on the Asian
Author: Closet Fetishist

Written: August 13th, 2009

"Come on, Lor; can't we watch something else; anything else?" I plead.

"But you love chess!" Lorella responds.

"Yeah, I like to play chess...watching it on TV, though, is as boring as any other sports coverage."

"It's the World Championships though; Timothy Chan vs. Daniel Marcus. They are both like...undefeated; it's gonna be awesome."

Lorella doesn't take her eyes off the TV for a second, entranced, as she pushes up her glasses back up higher on her nose as if it is the period on her incredibly nerdy sentence. But then who am I to talk, I'm a nerd as well but I like to try to maintain some social acceptability and watching chess tournaments on TV defeats that.

I give in, "Whatever, watch it then."

"Thank you," she said, feigning subservience.

So there we sit, watching two players move colored, decorative chess pieces about on a wooden board; I love chess but somehow, when I'm not playing, it loses its thrill.

"Timothy is such a fucking hottie!"

I just growl quietly. I really like Lorella and I think she knows it but I haven't been able to tell her straight up how I feel and I think she is waiting for that.

"He is totally gonna win, Daniel has no chance!"

Just to piss her off, I say, "No way, I bet Daniel will pull the win here."

"Really? You bet?"

"Didn't mean that literally."

I hate bets, I always lose...twice. Once for my choice and second for what people make me do afterward.

"No, I'm pretty sure I heard 'I bet,' so that's it...a bet! I bet on Timothy and you, for some reason, bet on Daniel."

"I really do not want to do this."

"Too late, it's already done."

"Alright! Fine! So what's the bet?"

"Okay, um...if Timothy wins...I...I get too," she laughs to herself, "I get to fart in your face."

"Oh fuck no! No fucking way!"

"No choice."

"Fuck you! I'm not doing that."

"Ah come on, ya big baby. What? You can't handle a few little girly farts?"

"Fuckin' a, fine! What do I get if Daniel wins?"

"If that loser wins, I'll...okay, I'll give you a blowjob."

I had to keep my eyes from popping out of my head; I think I'm maintaining a look of composure as if that was a normal thing to say to a person. Really? Did she just say that? Why did she say that? Seriously? Fuck! What the fuck just happened? I'm so confused! A blowjob? I try to clear my mind of the initial shock and start thinking rationally...and like I man. A blowjob from a young, Asian girl...that pretty much guaranteed it would be good, right? Perhaps amazing even; I think I've watched enough porn to know that Asians are great at giving head. Why? I don't know. Then again, what did it would be my first blowjob, my first sexual experience ever, so I had nothing to really compare it to any ways. Good-bye virginity.

I try to show no giddy glee whatsoever, "It's a bet."

She smiles. She obviously knows she caught me off guard with that one.

And so we watch the chess game and every move is now more important than the last. I cringe at the bad moves Daniel makes and celebrate, in my head, the good ones. Lorella watches as intently as I do now. It gets to a point where it looks like Daniel will win and I psych myself up for what is to come when suddenly...Timothy pulls out a surprise turnaround and wins the game!

I sit there, mouth agape. Lorella dances around the room in supreme celebration. She finally takes a break and looks at me.

"Ah, keep that look, that'll be useful."

I look away from the TV finally and at her, "What do you mean?"

"Your mouth open like that, I want to fart into it."

"You can't be serious, Lor. That was a silly little thing, nothing for real, nothing official."

She walks closer and closer and I start to lie out on the couch putting my hands in front of me to block her. She grabs my arms and forces them to my sides and, without any warning, sits on my face. She maintains hold of my wrists as I put up a great fight but I am unable to toss her off.

"I was gonna tell you to stop the fight but I kind of like it."

I say something from under her but it is lost somewhere in her bowels.

"Alright, you got me all churned up; now I'm ready to blow."

Her grip tightens on my wrists as she tenses up.


"Oh yes! Breathe that one in!"

I have very little choice in the matter as the putrid gas collects around my head, filling my nostrils with the scent of fermented Panda Express. My fight increases uselessly.

"Fight all you want but I'm staying here till you pass out."

God! Really? She's gonna make me pass out to her smelly gas? I get my answer.


I feel the heavy vibrations from the brassy fart beat from her cheeks to against my own.

"I think the spicy chicken is getting to me, what do you think?" She asks with a laugh.

It is. The hot fart burns my nostrils as it enters my passages. I feel myself fading, relief at last perhaps as I give in to her sick and twisted games.


A short, loud fart blows out of her with incredible force and with it goes my consciousness.


I feel hot air on my face as I open my eyes. Lorella is inches away from my face with hers. She is starting at me.

"Finally you're up."

"Yes, thank God your putrid scent didn't kill me!" I said, feigning anger.

"Oh it wasn't that bad."

"No, your right, it was wonderful to be at your backdoor as you blew your anal perfume into my nasal passages. So romantic, I think I'll write a poem about it."

She laughs, "You should."

"So you happy now? Timothy won and I inhaled your farts."

"Very actually; so happy in fact that I'm going to give you your winning thing."


"I'm gonna give you, Mister, a blowjob," she says all cutesy like, flicking my nose.

I say nothing and she turns around. I feel her unzipping the fly of my pants.


She turns to look at me, "What?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Seriously? I just farted you to unconsciousness and you seriously want me to be your girlfriend?"

I think for a minute. "Yes. I mean, that was just a bet, just a silly little thing and I mean, I've liked you for a really long time I just never got the courage to say anything and I think we'd go really well together and you're cute and you're funny and I just really like you, I feel like I'm repeating myself and if the farting is something you gotta do on occasion then that's cool, I could probably get used to it, maybe I think but if I can't it would still be worth it to deal with that just to be with you."

She brings her face back up to mine and stops for a mere second before kissing me, passionately, on the lips.

After what seems like a lifetime of seconds, she breaks the kiss.

"Is that a yes?" I ask with a smile.

She smiles, nods, and kisses me again.

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