The Outhouse
by Slave Fart

I hated being known as "the" nerd, but the scrawny kid who is good at science and video games is going to get pegged as such in a small town.

My first year off at college proved to be basically an extension of high school. Guys made fun of me and kept their distance as friends, which was somehow better than the women who just ignored me altogether. An invisible nerd...

The only two people on earth who paid me any mind were my bosses at my small town jobs when I returned for the summer. My night job was as a bus boy at the shittiest Mexican restaurant in the world, complete with free chips and salsa out of the cheapest bags and cans you'd find. Edward was a slave driver. Not a literal slave driver, of course, that's more like Kaelyn. She was my boss during the day.

My day job, all 7 days in fact, found me helping out at an ice cream stand shaped like a cone. I doled out soft serve and cleaned tables... Little did I know that job would end up having me get soft serve more than I'd ever like.

Kaelyn is my only friend and my boss at the ice cream stand, well, I guess she WAS my boss. Now, she's... I don't know. Captor? I'm getting ahead of myself. She's fat, there's no two ways around it. She is a big, fat woman who is probably 5'4", 280 lbs, but god damn does she have a pretty face. Her body is very round with thick, big thighs and a big butt, but only large because she herself is fat. Kaelyn has one of those faces though that make you wish she'd just drop the weight and then she'd be gorgeous. We were the two outcasts, but she was far more popular than me, which wasn't hard to do.

"I fucking hate this shit, Kaelyn. I'm talking to Edward tonight about a promotion. I don't wanna be a bus boy anymore," my voice still cracked.

"Well you don't sound all that macho. Anyways, Edward is the boss's son, so you're fucked."

"You were the boss's kid and you're not mean."

"I can be pretty fucking brutal," Kaelyn mused as she poured a soft serve onto a banana split.

I was taking off my uniform and putting on my work shirt for "Calientes", "Not as brutal as Lisa Frament."

"Maybe worse."

"Haha. Anyways, thanks for listening Kaelyn."

"Sure thing, Frank. Get outta here. Let me know what Edward says," she collected money and I turned to get in my car, anxious to not be late.

Lisa Frament... Wow... Now there was a name I hadn't thought of in a few months. She dubbed me "Frank the Nerd" in first grade.

"Frank the nerd" was the most unoriginal nickname I had, though it was better than "Fart face Frank" when Lisa decided to rip one on my face in gym class while Edward held me down. We were all in the same class, and Lisa was the queen of it all. She made me smell her farts on two other occasions, both times she promised not to tell anyone so long as I inhaled deeply when she farted. I obeyed. Truth is, I hated her farts, but I wanted to be close to her ass.

She moved away after high school, but word was that she might move back. Her beautiful face was perfectly shaped and her breasts were something to be marveled at. She had these hips that made men go insane! Her ass was stacked, too. Lisa had it all going on.

Lisa dated Edward earlier, and now I was on my way to see my asshole of a boss (god damn, another one!). I was going to tell him I wanted a promotion!

As soon as I got inside, I saw Edward in his office and I marched in.

"I want to be a server," I said, sternly.

He didn't even look up from his paper, "I don't care. You're a bus boy. Go bus a table, loser."

I pulled down the paper, "I want to be a server, or... Or..."

"Or what," he asked, looking angry as hell.

"Or I quit!"

Edward stood up, "Oh, for fuck's sake! Frank! You're fucking fired, man! You're incompetent as a bus boy AND you'd be a shit server. Get the fuck outta here! I swear to god, man! I will fucking kill you. Get the fuck out of here before I get my gun and fucking kill you!"

I was at a total loss for words, as this was not what I expected.

Edward shouted again, "Get the fuck out, man! I will fucking kill you! Now fucking go!"

Stunned and afraid, I made my exit from Calientes, surely never to return for one of their lukewarm, crappy burritos.

Rachel, now a senior in high school, ran outside to catch me, "Oh man! We should have told you! Lisa came back! Edward proposed and she told him to fuck off!!!"

"Aw fuck me, Rachel! What the fuck was I supposed to do?! How would I have known?"

"Dunno, but... Sorry you're fired, loser. Maybe you can get a job sniffing Lisa's farts? Hahaha! Later!"

"Ahhh fuck you! And... And FUCK EDWARD!!!"

She shut the door and I picked up a rock from the gravel lot only to hurl it at the big steel door.

As much as it all stung, I was in shock. Things got worse when I heard the door open and saw Edward running towards me.

That jolted me back to reality and I flung the car door open and pulled out of my spot. Edward punched my car window and the driver's side window burst with tempered glass shattering everywhere. I paused one moment and saw the hurt and anger in his eyes right before I peeled out.

I went to see Kaelyn, the only person who really ever listened to me, and told her everything. Nobody was at the ice cream stand, so it was like we were the only two people on earth.

"Just relax and go to that park off route 21. I'll meet you there. Oh! And here, let me see your cell phone. I'll bring it to you."

I was so confused and handed her my phone and drove to the park she was talking about.

Kaelyn came over and I asked for my phone.

"Don't be ridiculous, I don't want you saying something you don't mean. Here," she handed me a flask, "This is what you need right now. It's a weird flavor, but it'll knock you out."

I took a deep swig and almost coughed it up, "This tastes like piss."

"Uh huh. Take another drink."

I started to feel woozie and Kaelyn looked blurry.

As far as the world knew, the last person to see me alive was Edward as he was threatening my life.

---

Stiff. Absolutely fucking stiff. That's how I felt when I realized I was tied down.

My throat was dry and I croaked out, "Hello?"

Nobody returned my shout.

I called again, "Hello?"

Nothing.

A few minutes passed and while I was trying to figure it out, I heard a camera whirr and buzz. It had on a red light and a few minutes later, what sounded like a metal door clanged open.

"You're awake! Good!"

"What the fuck," I knew her voice, "Kaelyn?"

"Yeah! Yay! You get to be my toilet now! I've been waiting a while, Frank! I even had a better nickname than Fart Face Frank! It's 'Frank the SEPTIC Tank'! Like from Old School!"

"What the fuck, Kaelyn? Let me outta here."

She laughed, "What?! No. Uh uh, no way. You're my toilet now. I'm going to shit and piss all over you."

"What the fuck! You can't do that!"

"Uhhh, yes I can. I've been doing it for like 3 years. Ever since high school. My dad built me this outhouse before he died. He even caught me my first toilet. My dad knew I had this thing where I like to take men, or in this case a sorry excuse for one, and then he'd bring me the slave who'd die eating my shit, and then I put them in there just like you are! You'll be my, what is it now? 10th toilet? Something like that."

"What the fuck?!"

"Yeah, you'll die in there. Once you told me all that shit with Edward, it made it easy to see I wouldn't be the one to kill you or have any suspicion surrounding me, and I've been waiting since you called me fat in first grade."

"That wasn't me! That was Tim Holloway!"

"Oh... Was it?"

"Yes!!!"

"Well, sorry Frank. You're going to die for Tim's sin."

Kaelyn stopped talking and pulled down her tremendous trousers as she turned around and sat over the opening to what was the inconspicuous outhouse behind her place. Lots of places had decorative ones, but this one looked like one in use, but instead of the shit falling harmlessly to the ground, my face was directly in the way.

"I'll just keep my mouth shut!"

"Suit yourself. That's how Jeffrey Kincaid died. He didn't eat any of it and just got buried in my shit. I can leave some big fucking loads, Frank. I'd try eating it if I were you."

Kaelyn farted. Her asshole above exploded a monstrous blast of hot air that fired upon my face.

She was so casual about all this and it was changing my world view. All I could see was her big butt and asshole as she farted again. The smell eroded my sinuses and she started to piss. It was tangy and sour.

"This is what you made me drink!"

"Yeah, Frank, you drank my piss already. Just get ready for my shit."

She farted again.

Fuck...

"Sto---"

As I made the "O" with my mouth, a piece of her turd flung from her anus and slammed right onto my tongue. I gagged!

"Ooooo. Yeah, that sounds like someone tasting my shit for the first time ever. How's it taste, slave? Now you're a toilet!"

I couldn't respond because she had started letting out a long, creamy turd. It sat under my nose and then fell into my mouth. Her soft serve looking shit was clumping up in my mouth.

There was a pause and I waited to see if that was the end. There was a pile of dung in my mouth and on my face. I tried to turn my head, but I was secure. I tried pushing some out with my tongue, but her shit stayed mostly in my mouth. I tried to spit, but now my body forced a swallow and now her shit was sliding down my throat. I was wretching.

Just as I started to feel even more sick I heard what sounded like world war 3 with farts.

SPLURRRRTTTSSSSSSTHHHHHH

"I think I'm done shitting, but you've still got some farts to deal with."

THTTTTSSSSSUURRRRRRRR

"Son of a bitch. I wish these farts were on the front end. Oh well. You've got the rest of your life to sniff up my farts."

"Mumf eas ouuuuu!!! Mmmffff," I struggled to speak, but nothing came out right. My mouth was full of her shit.

"Listen, toilet, I have to be real honest with you. Nothing you say matters. I'll tell you about it later, but basically, just get real comfortable down there. That's where you die."

She wiped and dropped some toilet paper down on my face. It tickled my nose and I sneezed fiercely. When I did so, her shit flew all over and I looked around at my predicament with my eyes, since I was completely sealed down. It felt like I was poured completely in concrete and couldn't move at all.

I was left to think about what this was for hours. Eventually, she came back.

"Please, Kaelyn! What the fuck?"

She turned on a light and looked down at me.

"Ok, fine... Story time... So when I was 16 I told my dad I wanted to shit on someone. I said it kind of half jokingly, but then he became hell bent on delivering that for me. He came out back and started digging this port o potty thing. Dug it so deep that he said I'd be able to use this forever, or at least as long as I wanted. He walked me through what kind of person to kidnap and seal in here, but also warned me that the toilets wouldn't live, so to not get attached."

"You're basically a serial killer!!!"

"Yeah, I guess. If you want to get technical, but in the end these aren't about murders. This is about people turning into toilets. So the first toilet was Jeffrey Kincaid, right? He called me fat and I decided that it would be hilarious to have him look up at my fat ass and HAVE to eat my shit. But he refused. Never opened his mouth. So I would just shit more and more and try for bigger, smellier loads."

"And he just accepted it?!"

Kaelyn smiled, "No, he had more self respect than you. You just ate my shit on the first load. Nobody has been that pathetic before."

"Fuck..."

"Yeah. So anyways, every few months, my toilets die. It's inevitable. I feed you nothing but my shit and piss. You're going to get sick or you'll be starved of nutrients and you'll die. But to me, it's just a really great way to take a shit."

"You're going to kill me, then?"

"Well, technically my shit is going to kill you. It might pile up on your face and you'll be smothered in shit to die. Or you'll get sick. But either way, yeah. I'm going to keep shitting until you eventually die."

I was mortified, "You're sadistic."

"I know, right," she said, turning around and pointing her ass at my face, "Now get ready, because this one feels big."

She started farting right away and they were violent farts.

PLLLUURRRRTSSSSTTHHHHTTTTT

BARRROUUUUUUUMMMMPPPPPLLLLTTTSSSS

With all the fanfare of her gas, it began to stink even more in this little hole. The sounds stopped for a moment, and things were less scary for a moment. Then I heard her anus stretch and the stink only intensified with her shit as it started to slowly emerge.

I saw the head of a deep, dark brown turd as it started to slip out. It seemed to take forever, but soon enough her shit was filling my mouth. I wanted nothing more than to be out of here, but she's made it known that this is where I'll die.

There was another fart that seemed to pop and she shifted.

BLERRRP

"This is gonna be good," Kaelyn said to herself.

SPLURTTTTSSSTTHHHHHHURRRRRRRRR

A wave of shit and farts entered my worldview and she cackled with delight above me. These were the single most disgusting smelling turds she released on me in my year of serving as her toilet.

"Good luck getting through that meal, toilet! I'm just glad it's out of me! Oof," she wiped herself and I felt the paper stick to my forehead.

As the light faded and I sat in complete darkness, I wanted to die.

---

The worst one was short in time, but the smell haunts me to this day. Everyone knew Calientes gave you bad gas and there were often people who joked about the dumps it gave, but I would find out first hand what it meant for the toilet.

Kaelyn rushed in and I saw her giant ass in her jeans as she turned around. Quickly, her pants were at her tiny ankles and she was seated above me. Her anus seemed to push out further and further until a rapid fart shot out in what seemed like a concentrated stream directly into my nostrils.

SSSSSSSRRRRRRRROUUUUUUMMMPPHHHHHHHH

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!?!"

"I thought you might miss Calientes," she said, laughing.

"Kaelyn... Please don't do this."

She said no words and then let a very thin turd emerge. It was jagged and had lots of gas pockets that allowed her farts to escape around the sides of her shit. The smell got worse and worse as her dump made its way to my mouth.

I was not in the mood for this, but it didn't matter what I thought. I'd given up all hope. My mouth was open and I accepted her shit.

"God damn, man... How you're going to be able to hold that in your mouth, let alone eat it?! It's RANCID!!! Hahahaha! But that's just the life of a toilet, huh?"

I said nothing, but started to cry. It was the most foul dump ever.

Her shit piled and piled until my face was gone, lost to memory as an entire dump sat atop my face. I heard some creaks as she stood up. Then the sound of a camera shutter.

"I'm saving this one, boy. Wow... I'll tell you what... You eat that entire dump and I'll set you free."

I couldn't believe it!

I started chewing and swallowing and finally got halfway through when I could kind of open my eyes. The smell was atrocious, but I wanted to be free, I could be free!!!

There she was, Kaelyn was video taping me and I kept eating and eating while she was laughing harder and harder.

"I'm doing it! I'm going to eat your entire Calientes dump!"

"That's right! You're eating my shit! You're eating my turds, you fucking toilet."

Even I could have fun with it now. I was getting out!

I said, "Yep! Just another dump of yours I've eaten, but I can't believe I'm chewing this one. It was so bad, Kaelyn. You really fucking gave that one some serious hell. I can't believe you're going to let me free!"

She laughed even harder and stopped the recording, "You fucking believed that?! Hahaha! No way am I setting you free! You're my toilet, toilet. Just come to grips with that."

"But you sa-"

"I KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SAID! BUT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS: YOU. ARE. MY. TOILET. DON'T EVER MAKE ME SPELL IT OUT AGAIN, TOILET!"

She wiped, tossed the paper down and left.

Back in darkness...

---

Time passed and Kaelyn used me every day. She told me about the updates from the cops and their subsequent investigation about my disappearance. How they'd found my car and how my mom never really seemed to notice I was gone. She was a drunk and abusive, a mother who never wanted her child.

And now she didn't have one. There was nothing I could do but sit and wait to die.

Kaelyn spoke to me on our 'anniversary', "You're lasting longer than some of my toilets, you know. I had one die after like a month. Fucker refused to eat my shit. But you don't seem to be having that problem."

"Please let me out."

"Let you out? Fuck no! You're doing such a great job! Like, 90% of my shit gets eaten. It's hilarious."

"Please... This isn't funny. I'm getting sick."

"Yeah, eating shit will definitely make you ill. And I'm pretty sure you're going to die in there soon. You look like shit. And you know they say, you are what you eat, sooooo...."

Kaelyn turned around and pointed her ass at my face. A long, hot turd fell. There was no farts this time, but then...

KABOOM!

"Freeze! Police! Don't move!!!"

There was a shout from above! Did I just hear...

"On the ground, now!"

"Ahhh, fuck," Kaelyn wiped quickly and tossed the paper down.

"What the fuck is that smell, holy fucking shit," I saw the face of a blonde man wearing SWAT gear as he looked into my personal hell, "We've got someone down there! What the fuck, is that her shit?!"

Slowly at first, and then quickly. There was a team of cops above, looking down at me.

Kaelyn explained to them that they'd have to pull me up and how to do it.

I heard them explain they caught her because she shared the video online in a forum for women who use men as their toilets unwillingly. They had a sting and caught three other women as well. They asked if I wanted to join a support group, and I declined. I didn't want to talk about shit ever again.

As they did, I began to emerge from the depths inside her port o potty from hell and saw the sun for real; the light burned my eyes and I wanted to feel that pain forever.

I was being rescued. I wouldn't die here.

They helped me take the last remaining dump off my face and I looked at it on the ground. Her turds had long been my only food source, and now I was getting set free.

A man with a walkie talkie came up to me, "What's your name son?"

"Frank, sir."

"Thank fucking hell! We got him! He's ok!"

"Well, sir, I'm really sick, actually."

"Kind of figured. Eating shit for a year? How the fuck did you hold up?"

I put my eyes to the ground and was then escorted to a hospital. They cleaned me up and I was admitted for an extended stay. They ran test after test and told me it was a miracle, not only to be in such decent condition considering the circumstances, but to even be alive.

I had requested all male doctors and nurses since the women kept looking at me funny.

Because of this one incident, I was no longer the nerd to many people. I was now the victim. Getting jobs would be easy. Staying at them would be tough. I just wanted to move around.

Two months passed and I saw Lisa Frament walking around town. She was walking into the restaurant I wanted to go to. I had only eaten shakes and the doctors told me to try solid food again. I wanted to try some of the pasta at Lingini's and now I was second guessing it...

Had I known what would happen next, I would have never gone into that fucking restaurant...

Lisa pulled a chair over to my table and started talking without an invitation, "Well if it isn't my fart cushion. Or should I say Kaelyn's toilet? How'd you eat so much of that fat bitches shit."

"I just want to eat some pasta, Lisa. Please leave me alone."

"Fuck off, fart face. I'm kind of pissed, honestly. If anyone should make you their toilet, it should be me. You'd spent enough time with your face in my ass."

"Come on, Lisa."

"I'm just going to sit and eat with a dear old friend is all. I promise I'll be nicer."

The waiter sensed my distress and came over, "Is she bothering you, sir?"

I looked over and she smirked as I said, "No... We're fine. Thank you."

Lisa smiled as the waiter walked away and we ordered. Things were, dare I say it, good?

She told me about how she moved around and didn't know what she was going to do next. I told her that I still didn't know what to do with all the media requests and I'd hired an agent.

My mistake was talking.

"Yeah, with all the money I got from the lawsuit, I'm actually pretty well set, now."

She was intrigued, "Wait... Money from the lawsuit?"

"Sued her right away. Got paid quick, too. Something near $1.3 million, I guess. They took basically everything Kaelyn had. Her dad was loaded. They went through everything and apparently he had a nice insurance policy, they sold her house, it was a whole huge thing. When I got the money, I just basically put it in a bank account."

Lisa's eyes went wide, "That's amazing."

Our food arrived and I looked at the plate. As appetizing as it looked and smelled, I couldn't eat more than a bite or two.

"Is everything ok with the food, sir," the waiter was back.

"No, it's fine. I'm just less hungry than I thought. I'll take the check when you have a chance."

"No, sir, it's on the house. We know what happened, and we're all just glad you're home safe and ok."

He walked away and I looked at Lisa.

She said, "I think I know what's wrong. Come with me."

Lisa had NEVER been this nice and I had no idea what to think about all of this. She took me to her car and I was silent on our drive.

She took me to White Castle and said, "Look, there's something we need to talk about."

"What's that, Lisa?"

"We need to talk about your slavery."

"What? No... I... I've talked about Kaelyn enough."

"I don't mean Kaelyn, slave."

What did she call me?

She continued, "You need to be a slave. It's part of who you are, your genetics. You were born to serve. I have a solution for that, because you see, I was born to BE served. There are people on earth that are way better than everyone, the normals, and then the slaves. Most people are the normals. They don't need a slave and shouldn't be serving anyone. I'm in the way better portion. You're in the slaves, obviously."

"Why is that obvious?!"

"Because you let me fart in your face. Because you ate Kaelyn's shit. It's just the natural order. Now, before, I thought you were maybe a normal, but you ate Kaelyn's shit."

"I was in captivity!!! I had no choice!"

"While it's true you were a prisoner, it's not true that you didn't have a choice," Lisa spoke calmly, "But you had a choice to instead starve yourself. A normal would have done this. A slave would have submitted."

What the fuck??? I shouted, "How dare you!"

"Look," she made a hand gesture, "Don't get so bent out of shape. Being my slave will be a good thing for you. Slavery will be good for you. Your slavery will be a benefit."

"How would my slavery be a benefit?!"

"You would have a purpose. That purpose would be to eat my shit and make me happy."

"That sounds like an awful purpose."

"Not everyone's purpose is to change the world. Sometimes your purpose is to eat shit, and that's your purpose."

"What the fuck..."

"Think about it... Your slavery will make you better. You'll be happy knowing I had a nice warm mouth in which to take a shit and you'll know I'm happy."

I didn't care, "Let me out."

"I can't do that... But... You'll see..."

We pulled into White Castle and I started to slip. She farted and it was bad, but not the worst. Then she ordered and I found I was very sleepy.

Then I was out...

------

It was the same everything. I knew this place...

Then the light went on...

"I told you the house was bought. I actually had to rebuild the outhouse, though."

Lisa's voice...

"Please," I knew it wouldn't matter, "Please let me out, no... Please..."

"I made it so your face will actually be closer to my ass than it was to hers. Don't worry. I actually outfitted this so that you'll survive a long time, slave."

"Kill me..."

"Nope... You're just going to have to eat my shit."

Lisa sat down and she was much thinner and prettier than Kaelyn, but her ass smelled just as bad when she farted.

OORRRRROOUUUUUUUUUUMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

"That feels nice, doesn't it?"

I didn't say anything, but her asshole slowly opened and she started depositing her thick, long, dark brown log into my mouth. It was slick and slimy. I wanted it gone.

PUURRRRRRR

She farted after her turd was in my mouth. It was stiff and firm. I bit into it and chewed. The smell was bad, but the taste was worse.

"See? Slavery is good for you. You wanted to eat my shit, didn't you?"

I didn't speak, but chewed...

"Saying nothing to your owner is rude, slave."

"I on't ant o e a lay."

"You don't want to be a slave? Well," she farted again as she got ready for the second half of her dump, "Too bad."

Maybe she would slip up too...