|
The Hitchhiker PART 1 You can’t judge me. I’ve made my choices, and in some weird, Zen-like way, I’ve come to terms with them... but that doesn’t mean I haven’t got regrets. You might say “how can you live like that?”but you can’t judge me until you’ve story. Who knows? You might even envy me. It all began on a lonely highway on a dark and clear summer night. I was on my way to the reading of my great-uncle Boris’ will in LA, and I hadn’t been thinking about much beyond spending my inheritance; until, on the side of the road, I spotted her; an angel in a flimsy white tank-top and tight, low-rider jeans. Her breasts strained against her tank top, and as she turned, I was delighted to see that the waistband of her pants dipped below her buttcrack, and it was obvious she wore no panties; a fact confirmed as I noticed that the seat of her pants were marked with numerous holes worn away in the seat of her denims, exposing nothing but bare rump beneath. There she waited, patently the side of the road, thumb extended. Heart in my throat, I pulled over. “Care for a lift?” She accepted with a smile that would make a corpse sit up, and I noted with glee the way her breasts jiggled, obviously not restrained by a bra. I nearly whooped for joy when she told me she was heading for LA as too, but my plans to win her over seemed dashed when she put her seat back, yawned, and asked me to wake her when we got there. It was about ten minutes later when I smelled it-- a faint but undeniable odor-- Garbage, perhaps, or maybe manure. Maybe we were passing a farm or something. Over the next few miles, the smell became stronger, to the point where I was nearly gagging. I thought maybe we were passing some open sewers or something; but as that cheese left behind the radiator smell got stronger, I had no doubt that it was coming from somewhere inside the car. But form where? I received my answer as my passenger shifted in her seat and farted, a short, but loud blast. She shifted her hips, and pointed the holly seat of her jeans right at me. A loud POOT! tooted from her butt, filling the car with an overwhelming stench. Holding my breath, I turned my attention back to the road, even as a loud popper escaped the back of my passenger’s pants. Staring over at her, I willed her to awaken and stop this terrible display of flatulence, and, almost by magic, she dropped a bomb which stirred her awake. “Did you hear that?”she asked sleepily. Mechanically, I shook my head, not wanting to embarrass her. “Here,”she said, “let me repeat it for ya...”and , rolling onto one cheek, she blasted out a sick, bassy fart that seemed to go on for about ten seconds. “Ahhhh!”She laughed. Then, giving a big sniff, she said “Do you smell that? Isn’t that unreal?!” I was glad she agreed, and began to unroll the window when she reached over and stopped me. “What’re you doing?!”she demanded, reaching across and rolling my window back up. “You let it out!” Getting up on all fours, she thrust her ass out toward me, her buns mere inches from my face. BRRRAAAPPPPTTTTPPPPHHH! I could feel the hot guts of wind from between her cheeks, the overwhelming smell of dead possum invading my nostrils. “Wait!”she said, “hang on!”She dropped the back of her jeans, exposing her bare ass, and pressing her warm cheeks against my face and strained. BBRRUMPH! She fell to the floor, shaking with laughter. “Aawww!”she hooted, pinching her nose shut and fanning her face. “Holy fuck! I must have a shit brewing down there or something! she sniffed and gagged and began laughing. “God, can you smell that?” I couldn’t tell you now what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t tell her to stop, or at least roll the window down. In fact, I couldn’t talk at all. I just shook my head in response to her question, pinching my nose shut. “Smell it,”she urged with a mischievous little smile. “C’mon! just give it a big So I took my fingers away and took a tiny sniff. For the second time in as many minutes, I nearly drove off the road. Forget “a shit brewing...”it smelled like she’d shit her pants. With a cry, I quickly reached up and pinched my nostrils shut once again, making her laugh. “Isn’t that fucking gross?!”she howled with hilarity. “Uuhh,”she grunted, rubbing her stomach. “I gotta do it again.”Lying on her back, she lifted her knees to her chest, pointing her ass right at me, her smooth, bare cheeks visible between the holes in the Swiss cheese seat. BBUURRLLAAAPPP! “Woooo!”she cheered, fanning her butt. “Oh man! That was a hot one!” This couldn’t get any worse, I thought. But then, from the passenger’s seat, I heard her stomach begin to gurgle and bubble ominously. She rubbed it, her perfect face slightly discomforted. “Stop at that gas station,”she said, pointing to a Shell that was coming up on our right. “I gotta drop the kids off at the pool.” I nodded roboticly and slowed, putting my signal on. All the wile thinking to myself: “she’s crazy, she’s nuts, she’s out of her mind, just take off, just drive away when she’s in the can and leave her...” There was a slightly muffled BLORT! from the passenger’s seat. “Hurry it up, will ya?”she demanded. “I gotta take a dump!” I eased the car into the gas station (“Easy on those bumps,”she said, “do you want me to shit my pants?”) I parked it around the side where the bathrooms were. I put the car in park and waited for her to get out. “C’mon,”she said, opening her door. She stared at me expectantly. “S-sorry?” “You heard. Get out,”she said, reaching over and switching the car off. Climbing out, she slid the keys into her pocket. Standing with the door open, she leaned in and looked at me. “You comin’’ out peacefully, or do I gotta gas you out?” When I didn’t move, she turned and stuck her ass inside, strained, and produced an explosive fart that filled the car with the stench of raw sewage. Gasping, I fumbled the door open and threw myself to the ground. She howled with laughter and slammed the door. “C’mon”she said once more, and this time I obediently followed her into the bathroom. She ran into a stall and pulled me inside, kicking the door closed behind me. We were packed in like sardines, her body pressed against mine, not one inch of space between us. Our faces only inches away, she flashed me a smile that was a promise of paradise. Taking my hands, she put them on her ass, and I was unable to resist the urge to rub and pat and squeeze them. She leaned forward and planted a long, smoldering kiss. Then, I felt her body tighten, heard a small strain... PPPPRRRAAAPP! I could feel her cheeks flutter with the force of her gas. I stared, and she gave me another impish grin. “Oh man, I gotta take a dump so bad!”she turned and pressed her ass against my crotch as she reached for a seat protector. BBBBBRRRT! A loud, tuba sounding fart vibrated against me. “eScuse me,”she said, her voice low and sultry as she put the thin paper cover down. Tugging down her pants, she mooned me once again, then turned to expose her neatly trimmed pussy as she sat. A steady hiss of urine was interrupted by a gassy, splattering toot, and I watched, mouth agape, as she strained and produced two small plops. PPPPHHHUUURRRTT! “Ahhh!”she moaned, a steady plop ploop plip of muddy poop splashing into the water. “Oh man! I thought I was gonna shit myself therrreeeuuuhh...”she muttered, trailing off into a grunt. BBBUUURRAATT! a loud, wet, and rancid fart pushed a deluge of tiny turds into the water with a steady rain of plops. “Oh Jesus!”she frowned and covered her nose, flushing while seated. She looked at me and laughed. “Just about gassed myself there.”I knew what she meant. I was on the verge of passing out. By this time, I’d pulled my t-shirt up over my nose, but the thin cotton was no match for the rancid odour permeating the room. “Uh!”she strained gently. “UUUhhhh...”a noisy BBRRRAPPPTHPT! was followed by a prolonged sloshing sound, punctuated by the occasional gassy splatter. “All done,”she piped suddenly, flushing. She rose without wiping, pants still around her knees, her perfect, downy soft pussy on display. I was paralyzed as she turned an presented her read-end, and I got my first good look at those perfect, plump buns, as round and perky as an apple. she bent slightly and thrust her rump toward me. “Wipe,”she commanded. I looked into her eyes, confused. She mearly stared back, expectantly. In a trance, I grabbed a wad of paper and took an experimental wipe. It came back totally soiled. She laughed as I threw it into the bowl. “Looks like you got your work cut out for ya, huh?” I nodded, reaching for a fresh wad of T.P. and pressed it between those alabaster cheeks, and gave her another wipe or two before discarding it and taking another fresh, white sheet. Wipe, wipe, wipe. “Not so hard,”she said, “that paper’s really rough!” I took another pristine square and repeated, this time more gently. Wipe, wipe, wipe. Still it came back streaked brown. So I gave it another wipe for good measure. “Ahhhh....”she sighed, hiking her jeans back up over her butt. “All clean.”Turning to me, she pressed her soft and lovely body against me and gave me a quick kiss. “C’mon,”she said breezily, opening the stall and leading me out of the ladies room and back into the parking lot. “I’ve cleared out my inventory, she declared, patting her supple belly, “ now I’m ready to re-stock the shelves,”she said, giving a shriek of laughter as I followed her into the gas station.
PART 2 On the road again, the angel in the front seat greedily an noisily chewing down a banquet of chili-dogs, BBQ chips, pop, and just about every other kind of junky, artificial crap food you can buy from your local gas station. Occasionally, she belched loudly, and her stomach moaned and burbled like a water cooler. She yawned and stretched like a cat. A billboard passed: Motel 8, next exit. "Let's stop at that motel," she said, and instinctively, I knew it wasn't a suggestion. She ripped a long, moaning fart as we pulled up out front. "Hurry it up," she said as I got out to get us a room, "I think I gotta go again." Once in the room, she immediately bolted for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. I took a seat on the bed and flipped the TV on, relieved that, at least, I wasn't going to have to watch her "go" again. I thought back to the first time: the tuba-note farts, the cascades of plops, the guttural grunting, the searing, unholy stench that brought tears to my eyes just remembering it... Oh God, why was I getting hard? "Hey." Her seductive voice called my attention over to the bathroom door, where she stood, framed and adorned in nothing but a smile. I couldn't tare my eyes away, letting them roam, slowly, up and down and up again, surveying her magnificence, the perfect geometry of her curves, the perk of her bosom, the wispy, cotton candy down of her pubic hair. She beckoned me inside, and before I could even hesitate a second I was pulled inside by her hypnotic gaze. Shutting the door behind me, she turned and strode majestically, her bare ass jiggling delightfully, all the way over to the toilet. She sat herself regally and gave a gassy, slightly liquid fart. Lifting her chin arrogantly, she pointed to the floor in front of her. "Kneel." A single word, spoken aristocratically and tonelessly that I couldn't help but obey. PPPUURRRLLLPPBBTH! A loud, splattering fart thundered into the bowl without warning. Almost immediately I heard the sloshing of semi-soft poop dropping into the water. A marshy aroma emerged. "Aaahh," she sighed, orgasmic, eyes rolling back. She grunted and farted and plopped into the water below, moaning and groaning with relief and... pleasure? "OHH! Uuhh!" BRAP! PLOP! "Ahhh!" she sighed, and trailed her fingers down her belly, tickled her pubes, and began probing at her precious, pink slit, even as she continued to dump away. PPPPBHT! PPUUURRRTT! "UUh-- uh-huh..." She strained and produced a hissing fart propelling a log from her ass, and I could hear it crackling as it descended, fast and unbroken, actually touching the water before it ended. "Oh-ho--ohhh..." she moaned, like a porn star, fingers still working her crotch. I watched, mesmerized, even as the stench nearly made me gag. "Mmmm..." BRRUMPH! "Oh yeah." she bit her lip and shifted, a gassy explosion in the toilet turning wet and gurgley as a deluge of runny shit sloshed into the water below. The fumes were making my eyes water, but I kept them open... Open and locked on her, her perfect form perched on the bowl like a queen, blasting farts, dropping bombs, and never taking her fingers away from her slit. Suddenly, she flushed and rose without wiping. Turning, her fingers still rubbing between her legs, she presented her ass lewdly, practically shoving it right in my face. "Wipe," she commanded. "And you better do a good job, 'cause I want you to give it a kiss afterward," she giggled, wiggling her ass in my face. So I took a wad of paper and started the now familiar ritual once again. She moaned and groaned and continued fingering herself as I rubbed the cottony wad between her cheeks, pulling it back totally stained. I took another sheet. Wipe, wipe, wipe. "All clean?" she asked over her shoulder when I seemed finished. I nodded. "Mmm..." she sighed, reaching back to spread her cheeks. "Now give it a little kiss..." I stopped and stared for a moment at her perfect, pink anus, telling myself not to do it, to tell her to go fuck herself, to stand up and get the hell out of there... But before I could, I found myself bending foreword to plant a quick kiss on her rosy crinkle. "What kind of kiss was that?!" she demanded angrily, reaching back and slapping me before shoving her fanny back into my face. "C'mon-- with feeling this time." So I bent foreword and planted a wet, lingering smooch on her asshole, even tonguing it ever so slightly. "Mmm, better," she moaned turning. Still on my knees, I watched her stroll back out into the room. Sue turned and flashed me a smile over her shoulder. "Come on out here, "On the bed on your back," she commanded as I followed her out, and I could only obey. Stepping up onto the mattress, she just stood there for a second, totally nude and smiling down at me. She walked across the bedspread and planted her dainty feet on either side of me and just let me lay there starring up at her for a moment, gently shaking her hips. She knelt down and sat on my chest, shaking her jugs in my face before planting a long, smoldering kiss on my lips. She regarded me for just a moment from behind a mischievous smile before spinning around to face my feet. I watched, with no small amount of nervousness, as she backed her gorgeous, unblemished butt toward my face, until those two round and supple mounds dominated my entire field of vision. She wiggled it a bit, finding just the right position before she pushed back even further, my nose disappearing between those two smooth globes, into her crack. Then darkness as she settled the whole of her ass right onto my face. She shifted her backside like a great hen on her nest, until my nose was pressed right up against her asshole and I felt her pussy against my mouth. I heard her make a small noise, like a sigh. BBBRRRAABBPT! Hot, smelly air vibrated my face, pure cabbage smelling gas being pumped straight up my nose, the excess fumes rushing over my face. "UH! You like that, baby?" she asked, reaching foreword to undo my pants. From under her butt, a manage to mumble a response. Her small, steely fingers reach in and wrap themselves around my shaft. "Thought so," she cooed as I grew hard in her grip. And the sick truth is, I did like it. Every second trapped inside that perfect but smelly valley was pleasurable hell, or a torturous Heaven. Another blast shook my face, BBBRRRRAAP!, even as her fingers began working my shaft. I started eating her out before I'd even thought about it; she gave a startled moan and straightened, a tiny BLAP! accidentally escaping her ass. "Oops, sorry," she said, almost Now, I'm no Casanova, here to tell you all a tall tale about a tall tale; eating girls out has never been my strong suit (not that I don't like it or anything; I'm just stunningly inept at it). But now, even with her ass in my face totally obscuring my vision and ensconcing my nose in its rank, earthy aromas, I knew exactly what to do. "Mmm...! Uh! Oh!" BRAP! FRAP! "Excuse me!" she said with a giggle, and I felt her shift her weight, and then her warm, moist mouth on my cock. "Uhhuuuhh.... uh," BRAP! BBRAAP! PHURT! In her ecstasy, she'd lost complete control, involuntarily farting and groaning as she went down on me, until... "UH-huh! Oh! Ooooh!" BBBRRAAAPPPBTHBT! Her orgasm triggered her loudest, most powerful blast yet, shaking my face so hard I thought my nose might be broken; the world went white as I came... When I woke, I was washed and shaved, naked and alone. Had it all been a dream. Did I imagine the whole thing? Closing my eyes, I was about to go back to sleep when I heard muffled sounds coming from behind the bathroom door. "Huh-uh! Hhuuhh-uuhh! hhuuu---" THHRAPP! BRRAPP! GGLLOOSH! Followed by a flush. The door blew open, and out she strutted, naked, the stench of her shit wafting out behind her. She saw I was awake. "Hey," she smiled, crossing over and crawling under the covers. She nestled in close to me, resting her head on my shoulder, her tiny, warm body pressing So I spilled it-- uncle Boris, the reading in LA, the small fortune I was about to inherit, everything. She took it all in quietly. Then, she looked at me with that mischievous smile. "Need some company while you're spending it?" She lifted an leg and farted (FFFFRRAAPP!) and began braying with laughter. |
||