NINTENDO GAS: MARLON, IN THE RAW
BY Booklolz

It was a beautiful day at Lon Lon Ranch, and Malon; sweaty and tired from a hard day's work, was inside the barn feeding the Cuccos.

"There you go little guys" Malon said as she emptied the basket of feed. There was then a knock on the barn door. Malon wiped the sweat off her brow with her arm before opening the door. It was Saria, the forest sage, in all of her green beauty.

"Hi Malon" Saria said, smiling.

"Oh hey Saria" Malon replied, who was wiping her face with a handkerchief. "What brings you to Lon Lon?" She asked.

"I was returning to Kokiri Forest from Castletown when I figured I'd stop by the ranch and check-up on you" Saira explained.

"Thanks Saria, that means alot" Malon replied with a smile. "Come on in. I was just feeding the Cuccos" she added as she put the basket down on the barn's counter. Saria stepped into the barn, her nose wiggling from the various smells.

"Is your father working you hard today Malon?" Saria asked. "You look like you just took a swim in Lake Hylia" she added, chuckling a bit.

"Nonono" Malon replied, laughing. "I'm just picking-up the slack. This work takes quite the toll on him, and he can use as much help as I can give him" Malon explained, still drenched in her sweat. "So what's new in the forest? Malon asked.

"Nothing big really. Kokiris don't age as you probably know. I wake up to the same group of kids every day" Saria replied, shrugging.

"Sounds good" Malon said, smiling. "Hey wanna check out the horses outside" she asked, poimting out the window.

"Yeah! I've never actually been up close to a horse before" Saria replied excitingly. The two girls then left the barn and proceded to the horse range. 

"They're beautiful creatures aren't they?" Malon said, as the two girls watched three horses galloping throughout the field.

"Oh yes! Very much so" Saria replied, smiling. "I like that one over there" she added, pointing to a dark-brown horse which had a blue saddle.

Malon smiled and put two fingers in her mouth. She then wistled the dark-brown horse and another horse over to them. The two horses stoped in front of Malon, who gently stroked their snouts with her hands.

"Wanna go for a ride?" Malon asked. Saria's face lit-up at this perposal.

"Really? I'd love to!" Saria replied with a wide grin.

"Alrighty then. You can ride Pheone here, since you like her so much" Malon said, patting the dark-brown horse's blue saddle. "I'll take Rikskin" she added. Malon then mounted herself on Rikskin's saddle, and after a few failed attempts, Saria joined her on the back of Pheone. "Pheone's a fast one Saria. Alot of muscle in her" Malon said while rubbing the back of Rikskin's neck.

"I can tell. She's very frim" Saria replied as she felt the upper part of Pheone's front legs.

"We'll start slow, then work our way up" Malon said. "Just follow my lead" she added. She then gave Rikskin a soft kick in the thigh. Saria followed. After a good solid hour long ride, the girls rode the horses into the stable. Saria went in first, followed by Malon.

"You rode that horse like a champion Saria" Malon said as got off of Rikskin. "I couldn't hold you back. You were jumping those logs with ease" she added.

"It was only because I had the most amazing horse in the whole Kingdom!" Saria replied happily as she patted Pheone's neck. Pheone them whennied softly. She then got off of Pheone, and stood beside the horse. "Yep, she's one-of-a-kind" Saria said, patting Pheone's side. She then took a few steps toward Malon, before freezing in place. Saria's eyes opened wide as she caught whiff of a strong stench. "What is that smell!?" Saria exclaimed, quickly covering her nose and mouth with both hands. She stared at Malon, who had an awkward smile. Malon then looked to Saria's immediate left. Saria then slowly turned that way. She was looking straight at the backside of Pheone. Saria gagged at what she saw.

"Looks like you caught her doing her business..." Malon commented, still with an awkward look. Saria stood there, bug-eyed, looking at the defecating end of Pheone.

"Why is there so much of it!? And why does it smell like death?" Saria askee, her voice muffled from her hands being over her mouth.

"Well, horses eat alot of raw foods. And I mean ALOT. So naturally, their feces is abundant, and quite potent, especially Pheone's" Malon replied. She then went and grabed a shovel that was hung-up on the wall of the stable. Saria watched as Malon drove the shovel into the pile of feces, making a squishing sound.

"What are you going to do with it?" Saria asked, now tightly gripping her nose.

"Eh, I'll probably spread it across the field as fertilizer" Malon replied, seemingly unaffected by the stench. She took a shovelful of the feces, and dropped it into a nearby bucket. "Yeah, this is a good load. It'll fertilize well" she added. After Malon's last comment, Saria couldn't take it anymore. She ran out of the stable, into the field, and fell on her knees as she breathed in the fresh air. Malon hung her head and laughed.
"She's no farmer, that's for sure" She said to herself before returning to shovel more feces. About an hour later, both girls were sitting at the table in the ranch's up-stairs bedroom. 

"Again Saria, thanks for coming by" Malon said, holding a mug of Lon Lon milk.

"Oh it's my pleasure" Saria replied, smiling. She also had a mug of Lon Lon milk. "It's amazing how you handle the lion's share of the work here" Saria commented, after taking a drink of milk.

"Well, someone has to do it" Malon replied, laughing. "And after awhile, you start to enjoy it" she added. She then took a hearty gulp of milk. There was a few seconds of silence before Malon decided to break it. "So... Saria.... How's Link doing?" Malon asked, with a slightly nervous tone. Saria, who was in the middle of another drink, raised an eyebrow at this question. 

Malon had always been interested in Link. But the combination of Malon's ranch dutys, and Link's adventures, the two had minimal time for interaction. Saria meanwhile, was VERY close with Link. And ever since Link settled back at Kokiri Forest, the two had gotten even closer.

"He's doing good" Saria replied after a little hesitation.

"That's good to hear..." Malon said softly, rubbing her thumb against the side of her mug. "I haven't seen him in a while, so I was a little worried" she added.

"Well he's fine" Saria replied firmly. She knew what Malon was getting at, and she didn't want any part of it.

"good..." Malon said dully. She then took a big chug of milk, which emptied her mug. The next few seconds was filled with a deafening silence. Malon then closed her eyes for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. Saria then grabbed her mug to take another drink. But before her lips touched the mug, she slammed it down on the table and covered her nose with both hands.

"What is that smell?!" Saria exclaimed. She then looked at Malon, who was blushing.

"Sorry... I couldn't hold it anymore..." Malon replied, sounding embarssed. The smell was indeed an SBD fart from Malon.

"THAT was you!?" Saria said. She released her nose for a second, took another sniff, and clenched her nose again. "Malon... That smells terrible..." she added, fanning the air with one hand.

"Relax Saria... It's just a little gas..." Malon replied, somewhat annoyed by Saria's scolding.

"A little gas!?!-- It stinks worse than the load Pheone dropped earlier!" Saria exclaimed, still fanning the air and clenching her nose. "And you think you actually have a chance with Link..." She added. On that note, Malon tensed-up in anger.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Malon grumbled, moving her face within one foot of Saria's. The smell of Malon's gas had vanished, so Saria unclenched her nose and moved even closer to Malon.

"It means... That Link would never want be with a girl who's rear-end smells worse than horse feces" Saria explained dramaticaly. Malon was tense and boiling at this point, but Saria didn't back down. "I bet that when you have to drop a load, you use it as fertilizer. And based on what I smelled, I'll guess that this next one will be a good load" Saria continued. Malon was now beat-red and fuming. Saria then put her mouth by Malon's ear. "Oh. And if you're wondering what he's like... He's amazing..." Saria wispered sensually into Malon's ear, before licking it. Malon snapped.

"GREEN-HAIRED WHORE!!!" Malon yelled at the top of her lungs straight into Saria's face. She then lunged at Saria, knocking her and her chair over. Saria was now on her back with Malon in full-mount position on top of her. "Well Saria. I don't think Link would wanna be with a judgemental whore like yourself" Malon said, holding Saria's arms against the floor.

"Get off of me you farm girl trash!" Saria exclaimed as she struggled to escape. She would have no such luck, for Malon was much stronger than her.

"No can do Saria. I want you to suffer. I want you to get it in your head, that you NEVER cross me" Malon explained devioisly. She quickly did a 180 on top of Saria so her butt was hovering over Saria's face. Saria had a chance to escape, but she hesitated for just a second. Malon grunted as she pushed.

"PPPPPPPPHHHHHHUUUUUUURRRRRRTTTTTT"

Malon let loose a long ripping fart directly into Saria's face. Saria cringed as she felt the warm gas shoot out of Malon's butt-hole.

"You're disgusting! What do you eat around here?!" Saria exclaimed, turning her head side to side trying to escape the stink. But Malon repositioned herself so she was sitting on the top of Saria's chest while reaching back to hold down Saria's arms again.

"Oh, alot of raw veggies. I also get really gassy whenever I drink our milk" Malon replied casually. She then turned around and grabbed Saria by her arm-pits and quickly stood-up. Saria tried and failed to wiggle out of Malon's hold. Malon then grabbed a rope that was hanging on the wall. She pulled Saria by one arm to the chair by the table that was still upright. She pulled out the chair, and sat Saria down on it.

"What are you doin--OOFFHH!" Saria began to talk before Malon wraped a single layer of rope around her and the chair and gave it a frim tug across her stomach, knocking the wind out of her and imoblizing her.

"You're sruggling too much, I can't enjoy it. I want you to be still, so I can have more fun with you" Malon explained as she tied the rope around Saria. She made sure that Saria's arms were tied as well. After 20 seconds, Saria was fully tied to the chair. "That's much better" Malon said as she stood in front of Saria with her hands on her hips.

"You're messed up Malon..." Saria said as she caught her breath. Malon was in thought for a second before she held up a finger.

"Oh yes! There's something I forgot. Give me a minute..." Malon said. She then walked past Saria and went to the counter behind her. Over the next four minutes, the tied-up Saria heard various clanking and gulping sounds behind her. "Alright Saria... I hope you're ready..." Malon announced. She then walked in front of Saria, who's eyes opened wide at what she saw.

"Malon... What did you do?!" Saria exclaimed, trying to loosen the rope, but with no success. Malon was rubbing her belly, which was expanded about five inches.

"You know Saria... As much as I love our milk... It gives me the absolute worst gas. But you already knew that, didn't you?" Malon explained casually, still rubbing her belly. Saria began to panic, giving a few more futile wiggles. Then, Malon's belly gurgled loudly. "Oh yes... Here it comes..." Malon said. She then turned around and stuck her butt out so it was just a few inches from Saria's face. Saria shut her eyes tight. Malon then grabbed her right butt-cheek, and pushed.

"PPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUURRRRRRRTTTTTT"

Malon held her mouth open in relief as she blasted a loud, long, and rancid smelling fart straight into Saria's face.

"EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!" Saria exclaimed in disgust.

"Oh... Excuse me... I had no idea your face was right there" Malon said sarcasticly. "Oh wait..." Malon scrunched her face and pushed.

"PPPPPPHHHHHUUUUUURRRRTTTT"

This fart was much louder than the first. Saria's nose flared at every bit of gas that rippled out of Malon's butt-hole.

"That felt good... What do you think Saria?" Malon asked, turning her head to look at Saria, who was shaking her head vigerously.

"It STINKS!!" Saria exclaimed. Malon laughed.

"I'd think it would, with all those veggies and all that milk mixing in my belly" Malon explained as she fanned her butt from the heat of her gas. A few seconds later, Malon's stomach gurgled loudly again. She smiled, grabbed both of her butt-cheeks, and pushed.

"PPPPPPPPHHHHHHUUUUUURRRRRRTTTTT"

This fart was equal to the previous in sound and smell. Saria hung her head as she breathed-in the rank gas.

"Oh Saria!... I'm sorry! I just have so much gas" Malon yelled sarcasticly. Saria then threw all her weight back, so causing the chair to fall backwards. Saria grunted as she hit the ground. Malon grinned as she grabbed the legs of the chair and turned it so that Saria's head was facing her. Malon then got on one knee and looked directly over Saria's face. "Saria. You came to my home, and insulted me and my profession" Malon explained. Saria meanwhile, was shaking, looking directly into Malon's eyes. "For that Saria, I'm gonna make you smell my farm girl trash rear-end in the rawest form possible" she added.

"Malon wait... You don't have to do this..." Saria wimpered desperately.

"I'm afraid it's too late... This one's been buildin' up" Malon replied. She then stood-up, and pulled down her pants and underwear. She smacked her butt-cheeks a couple of times before squating over Saria's face. Saria was bug-eyed, staring directly at the hole that was responsible for the onslaught of stink she'd experienced over the last few minutes. "Okay Saria, here it comes!" Malon announced. She grunted, and pushed.

"PPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUURRRRRTTTTTPPppPPUUuUuRrRtTPPhHHUUrRt"

Malon let loose a 15 second long blast of raw flatulence from her butt-hole, straight into Saria's nose. The incredible odor raped Saria's nostrils.

"Yeah Saria! Smell it!" Malon said, laughing. When the fart was finally over, Malon stood-up and pulled-up her underwear and pants. She then turned around, bent over, and took a whiff. "Now if anything smells like horse feces..." she said, shaking her head. She then looked down at Saria, who had a blank expression. Malon then lifted the chair and Saria upright, followed by untieing her. "How you doing Saria?" Malon asked as soon as the rope hit the floor. Saria didn't reply, she just sat there expressionless. Saria finally stood-up about a minute later. She said nothing to Malon as she slowly walked out of the room, and down the stairs. Malon stood in the bedroom, waiting a bit before yelling out.

"Say hello to Link for me would ya?"