By: sandufabur
Waking up, I turned over to look beside me to find the bed empty. With a little smile I reached over the bed and pat the imprint on the mattress in front of me, chuckling at how warm it was. But as a sharp, sulphuric stench hit, I quickly hopped out of bed and got dressed, staying away from the bed. It had been a long time since me and Jess had gotten married, and since we had kids and she had to be up earlier than me to help them prepare for the day, she couldn't give me my usual dutch oven wakeup. She'd resorted to just letting out her morning gas sneakily into the poor mattress before she'd go downstairs. While it wasn't necessarily the best way to start the day, I'll give her one thing, it was a good motivator to get you out of bed. Though I kind of did miss the good ol' dutch oven. There was always a playfulness and love to it that this could never live up to.
Getting dressed and walking downstairs, the smell of food cooking got stronger and stronger. I was sure bacon was part of it, that was apparent right away. As I turned into the kitchen, I stopped and smirked, and rested against the wall lightly. In the kitchen, in only a pair of loose red pyjama's that sagged down slightly below her plump cheeks and a small shirt, which really was only small because of the size of her chest, that exposed some of her stomach and lower back.
Her face perked up, and she looked back to me curiously, before smiling and turning back to the pan with a chuckle. "Morning babe!" Jess said happily as she hummed and tended to the food.
"How's breakfast coming?" I asked as I looked to her ass a bit. Though I didn't look too long. She'd often insist on giving me a 'closer look' later in the day.
"It's good!" She exclaimed as she shuffled around the pan a bit.
"Bacon and..." I sniffed a bit to try and pick up on what she was cooking. "Eggs?... Really? I thought we all agreed on not cooking eggs anymore cause they stunk up the house, and you're the only one who eats them. You're cooking eggs right?" You asked as you covered your nose from the eggy smell.
Jess chuckled and shook her head a bit with a pleased smile. "Oh I'm not sure about eggs but SOMETHINGS definitely cooking" she laughed as she leaned over to grab a plate, and I saw that all that was being fried was bacon. So the smell was just-
PFFRMRMMRTTTTTRTTTTTTTT
Jess sighed and waved a dishcloth behind her ass to fan away the stench of the five second long, rumbly monster that she just released into the area. "Go get the kids, would ya hon?" she smirked as she put down the dishcloth and flipped the bacon on the plate. "I gotta let off some steam before they get here"
"Sparing them today huh?" I asked as I took a step back, not wanting to let her cloud of death reach me.
"Oh I wouldn't say that but, I'll let them enjoy their meals" she smiled as she walked over to a cabinet.
"How kind of you" I said as I walked upstairs to go get our kids for breakfast. "Mia! Madison!" I announced as I knocked on the door to the right of the top of the stairs.
"What?" Mia's voice groggily responded from behind the door as I heard shuffling.
"C'mon, breakfast" I said, and as I heard more shuffling along with a quiet sigh from behind the door. Soon, Mia and Madison both came out of the room, dressed with their bags. Mia was our oldest. She had blonde hair like Jess's, but not quite the same golden colour. Her eyes were hazel and her skin was light. She was fairly tall, almost as tall as me. On the other hand, there was Madison. Madison was 3 years younger than Mia, and was a bit... Short. While only a couple years younger than Mia, she only came up to around Mia's chest in terms of height. Madison's hair was between blonde and brown, a kind of rusty gold colour. Her eyes were green and and she'd often tie her hair back in a ponytail, but not today.
"Safe?" Mia asked as she looked to me, Madison looking up at me as well.
I playfully put on an overly serious face and nodded to Mia, before nodding to Madison.
The two of them both returned the 'signal', and each locked arms with me as we crept down the stairs to the kitchen. This was a bit of a joke ritual now. It had started one morning where Jess had bombed the kitchen so bad that we had to eat upstairs. Madison even had a little stool and a placemat she drew herself that had the label 'only for use in cases of chemical attacks', which I felt was a perfect way to describe some of Jess's emissions. On days where Jess's farts were particularly nasty, they'd pull me by the arm up to their room and shut the door, pull out the stool and put down the placemat, and we'd just eat there. All while the sounds of Jess laughing at her butt bombs could be heard from the main floor.
I held a hand out to them to signal a stop, before, pretend finger gun in hand, I rounded the corner like an secret agent in some cheesy crime movie, before gesturing them over down stairs. They each ran past before I followed.
"Freeze!" I jokingly commanded as we rounded into the dining room to see Jess putting out plates, Madison even holding up a finger gun.
Jess smirked and dropped the plate, raising her hands in the air and turning to us. "You got me" she said with a chuckle as she winked to me, which made me smile probably a bit too much.
"Go check if it's safe" Madison commanded as she gestured over to the dining room.
I nodded and walked up to Jess, taking a breath. "It's sa- Oh... oh god..." I covered my nose as Jess laughed, and my eyes began to water. The smell that had attacked was horrendous. Something that could probably even put an elephant down for the count.
"Silent but deadly" Jess grinned without putting her arms down, as the stink of her silent fart spread throughout the room, making its way over to the girls.
Madison dropped her finger guns and pinched her nose shut, fanning the air wildly with her other arm. Mia simply sighed and fanned her nose. "Ew ew EEEWWW!" Madison exclaimed as she coughed.
"Deadly?... I..." I fake stuttered as I collapsed to my knees jokingly before falling on the floor.
"Nooo! Get up!" Madison cheered to me.
Mia shook her head. "This is a bit far. I only do this cause I wanna know if mom's been ripping ass down here, do we really need the acting?"
"Riiiight" I said sarcastically as I stood up again, brushing myself off with a chuckle, before turning back to kiss Jess on the cheek, which made Mia wince slightly. Me and Jess took our seats as the girls reluctantly joined us at the table.
Breakfast was nice, it was a calm discussion over some food as Jess moved her chair close and rest her head on my shoulder lightly. Mia had asked if she could vent a bit and then shushed Jess before she got the chance to make a stupid 'I need to vent a bit myself!' kind of fart joke and ruin her meal. When it was all over, the girls got finished up and went out to the car.
Jess walked over to the counter and grabbed the keys, turning back to kiss me. "You coming?" She asked as she turned back and went to go put her shoes on.
"Sure, I'll come" I said, being one of the rare double days off where both me and Jess had the day off, I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.
"Alright!" she said happily as she opened the door and looked back to me. "Meet you in the car"
I nodded with a smile as she shut the door, and went to go put my shoes on and get ready to go. But as I walked out the door and headed to the car, I laughed at what I saw. All the windows in the car were open, and out of the back seats right window, Madison was practically laying out of it, her arms draped over the side of the car and her head fully out of the window, gasping for air. Mia was standing outside of the car on the other side with the door open, leaning on it and occasionally fanning some air from the cars interior out.
As I approached, Madison looked to me before beginning to flail her arms a bit. "DANGER, DANGER" she warned as she waved her arms to me.
"Danger?" I asked with a smile as I looked to Mia, who sighed. "What's the status?"
"Bad" she said quickly before fanning some air out of the car.
"Come ooooon, that's not enough, what's the status Mia?" I asked her again, and she rolled her eyes and shrugged a bit.
"Mom practically nuked the car" She murmured as she looked to Jess, who was in the front seat with a hand over her nose, giggling away at the scene.
"There we go!" I complimented before reaching out and embracing Madison, sliding her out and holding her like a princess in my arms. "C'mon" I said as I opened the door with a clumsy motion and pulled it fully open with my foot. I began to put her down in the seat, but she began to squirm a bit in my arms. "NOOOO NONONONO DANGER, DANGER" she repeated as I sat her down in the seat. She began to giggle as she strapped herself in, Mia soon getting in and shutting the door.
"Jeez, how bad was it?" I asked Jess as I got into the car and put on my seatbelt.
"Not as bad as this!" she exclaimed before leaning over.
PRPRMMMRMBRBBRBBRBBBBRPPRPMRMMRBBRPPLLLMRMM
She let out a long bubbly fart, some of it into the seat and some of it sent out in a wave of hot stink right out in my direction. As the sulphuric smell hit, I covered my nose and heard coughing in the back seat.
"Whew..." Jess sighed and smiled. "Actually no, I was wrong, the last one was worse"
"The last one was definitely worse..." Mia said as she began to stare out the window while Madison fanned her nose with a goofy little smile. "I don't know how you handle it dad" Mia asked as she looked back to me while Jess started the car.
"Hm?" I asked as I had began to drift off a bit, looking back to her curiously.
"Mom's farts, they're like miniature bombs"
"Hehe... Mom's bombs" Madison chuckled to herself as her goofy smile only grew.
"I guess I've just gotten used to them" I remarked with a bit of a shrug.
"Oh please" Jess laughed as she pulled out of the driveway and began the trip. "You never cared much from the start, you loved me WAY too much"
I smiled and laughed a bit as well. "Well yeah but I didn't wanna say anything too lovey dovey in front of the kids"
"Fair enough" Jess said as she began to think. The car went quiet, except for the incessant giggling in the back seat as Madison couldn't stop giggling at her dumb thought.
"What're you laughing at sweetie?" Jess asked as she glimpsed into the mirror for a moment.
"Mom's bombs" Madison chuckled as Mia glanced over to her.
"Ooooh hehe, I like the sound of 'moms bombs'" Jess chuckled as she drove.
"I don't like the sound of mom's farts" Madison said as she stopped giggling and smiled, "They're all wet and bubbly and grooooss"
"No I meant-" Jess wheezed a bit as she started to laugh more, which caused Madison to go into her giggling fit all over again.
"She's got you there" I said as I smirked over to Jess.
"Do we really have to talk about mom's farts?" Mia asked as she looked back and rest her head in her palm.
"Well we're keeping her occupied" I explained, "With us talking about them, it's the only thing keeping us from smelling them"
"Seeee?" Madison said as she leaned over as far as she could to rest on Mia. "I don't wanna smeeell them"
"Noone does..." Mia said as she looked over to me, then back out the window. With that, the rest of the ride was quiet, with everyone but Jess who was focused on the road looking out their respective windows and watching people and buildings go by. When we pulled up at the school, each of them waved and reached over to leave the car.
"Wait!" Jess exclaimed, causing the girls to freeze. "One thing before you go"
"Yeah?" Mia asked.
"Hm?" Madison asked.
Jess's serious expression morphed into a smirk. "I just let out a reaaaally bad silent one"
"GO GO GO" Madison yelled as she ran out the door of the car, Mia following quickly behind as Jess burst out laughing.
"I'm still here you know" I smiled as I pinched my nose shut as the sulphuric, meaty odour hit my nose.
"Pheeeew! Smells like the bacon finally made it through me..." She said with a calm sigh as she relaxed into the seat, lightly massaging her stomach. "My stomach really needs to settle though.."
"Here, just take care of your stomach, I'll drive" I suggested as she nodded, the two of us going out and switching seats, Jess loosening her seatbelt so it didn't apply so much pressure to her stomach.
"I can't wait to just get home and relax" I said as I began to drive home.
"Oh we'll be doing a lot more than just relaxing" Jess said with a wink to me.
"Are you making an innuendo?"
"No I'm just referencing the fact that we're going to be doing more activities than just chilling YES I'm making an innuendo you goofball"
"Hehe, sounds good to me then" I said, as I felt her lean over and rest her head on me with a quiet sigh.
"Love you babe"
"Love you too"