By: JumpGalleons
The woman scrolled through her phone absentmindedly. Janet Wilkoff was bored. She had nothing to do, ever, at all. Sure, her book club met once a week, and she had to go to the office twice a month, but that was about it. Nicole was in college now and surely didn’t want to be bothered by her mom’s random phone calls.. She sighed as she scrolled past an AI video of the Eiffel Tower blowing up. ‘Isn’t the internet just great?’ She thought to herself. She closed the app and went to HouseMouse to browse dream homes.
EEEURURRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
She smacked her lips, tasting her noxious gas. Janet’s stomach rumbled as the week-old tuna casserole digested inside of her. The taste of rotten fish rested on her tongue. The 45 year old woman was still an absolute stunner. Her short light brown hair surrounded her face. She had tried dating apps for a bit, but all the men she met could not appreciate every part of her.
SLPSPBSBPPRRRRRP!!!!!!!!
She smirked a little as she released a bubbling fart, grimacing once the smell reached her nose. Janet was proud of her tits and often caught people staring at them. However, she knew her best asset was her enormous ass. That tuna mixed with pure ass-sweat was a foul combination. Janet believed in presenting her whole self on the first date and that included ripping absolutely foul ass. When she was younger, she had tried ways to cut down the frequency and stench, but those methods only made things worse. Janet knew she was gorgeous and had a great personality, and if her potential new husband couldn’t handle a little gas, then she would drop him.
FRPSFPFPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!
Alright fine, a lot of gas. Maybe it was good nobody was in the house for long stretches. After scrolling past homes for sale, an ad appeared.
A young Middle Eastern woman started talking into her phone. She had long black hair, big breasts, and a stunning face. “Hey guys, so I just discovered this new app.” As it cut to her working out and eating, Janet rolled her eyes. “Do you want free money? And I mean really free.” She was sure the gambling app was revolutionary, but she had more time to kill. Her thumb reached for the X button until the next angle appeared.
A sea of gymwear took up the screen. Grey sweatpants barely covered the spokesperson’s butt.
RBPRBPBFBFPFFPFPPPPTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The deep roaring fart was punctuated by a laugh. Janet stared at the screen in shock as the phone panned back up to the spokeswoman smiling and brushing back her hair. “I earn 450 extra bucks a week doing something I have to do anyway. Rip for tips on FindFoul!” She winked and the ad went to a CGI mobile game commercial.
Janet ignored her phone as the video played. She stared into space. What kind of creep jacks off to farts? Her stomach rumbled again.
PLLFPFLPPP!!!!!!!
“Wonder how much that one could go for?” She quietly said out loud followed by a laugh. As the pungent odor reached her face, she gazed at the wall in thought. Well, how much would it?
The woman shook her head and focused on the next house on the screen. It was beautiful. A large rolling yard, multiple beds and baths, a huge kitchen. All that could be the Wilkoffs’ for the low low price of $400,000. She sighed as she scrolled to the next one. A scenic mountain vista, a swimming pool, all in a walkable downtown. $600,000, with a 20% down payment. Janet was doing alright for herself, but not that alright. Her stomach gurgled as she thought back to the ad. Well, it couldn’t hurt to see what that enterprising young woman was making.
She pulled up the calculator app, punched the numbers in, and stared in shock at the result. She was leaving over $23,000 on the table every year. She wasn’t gonna get that house in Calgary, but that could pay off a lot of Nicole’s student loans. It wouldn’t take any time from her day job either to stop for ten seconds, record one of her blasts, then get right back to writing reports. Plus she didn’t have to show her face if she didn’t want to.
Janet shrugged her shoulders. She brought up the App Store and typed in FindFoul. A square with two F’s in the shape of a butt popped up. As she went to press the download icon, she paused for a second. Was Janet really gonna whore herself out, sell her body so that strangers could wank to it? Well, she promised herself she wasn’t gonna do anything she wouldn’t normally do. She hit the download button.
—
Boring Zoom meetings. Gillian from accounting not shutting up about the big merger. Baihe from HR nodding for no reason. Some no-name client who said they were thrilled to work with Eprobo. Janet grimaced as she felt her lunchtime meatloaf move through her lower intestine. As she instinctually reached to mute the mic, the woman thought of that new app she downloaded a week ago and hadn’t touched since. She laughed to herself as she pulled out her phone. “Let’s see how much this one would get me.” Janet ironically said to herself. She told herself as soon as she would film it, she would delete it. She pulled her phone out while moving to turn her laptop’s mic and camera off. She tried to position it to get a good view of her sweatpants-clad ass as she sighed.
SLPFFLFPFPFPTPTTTTPPPP!!!!!!!!!
She smiled and closed her eyes as she let loose an absolute bubbler. The ripe smell embedded itself in her nostrils. A vacation with her daughter to a Caribbean island flashed before her eyes. As they clinked their martini glasses on the shore, the waiter held out his hand for a tip. Janet lowered her shades, leaned to the side, and smiled. BRPBRRBPRRPPTPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fifty bucks materialized in her hands as she and her daughter burst into laughter.
“Janet?” She opened her eyes to all of her coworkers staring with shocked expressions, some trying to hold back laughter. Her eyes shot down to the camera and microphone icon, both turned on. She gazed back at the camera as her cheeks grew red. “Uh, uh, internet issues.” She stammered out before slamming her laptop shut and burying her face in her palms. This was part of the reason she had requested to stay a virtual worker. Her boss, recognizing her previous work both labor and biological, easily agreed. This was supposed to be the easy part, sneaking farts during work and making bank!
After a minute or two, she gathered herself. As she went to readjust her business dress top, she remembered the phone in her palm still recording. The woman stared at herself on the phone screen. Was it worth posting the video? Well, hell. Her expression turned resolute. She had already embarrassed herself, might as well make some money off of it. She pulled up the app.
As Janet clicked it, an animated fart cloud came out between the two Fs in the logo. She rolled her eyes as she started to make an account. After filling out her banking details, the woman was presented with the username screen. She started to fill out Janet Witk- before realizing that linking her identity to videos of her ripping ass may not be a great idea. She really had not thought this through at all. Just one ad had done this. She skipped the username for now and navigated to the profile page.
SLBPBPPP!!!!!!!
“Come on, save it for FF!” She pulled the video from her camera roll. She edited the length, however, just when her fart cut off, her boss beginning to say “Ja-” was still audible. There was no way to get all of the gas without Melissa’s voice. Janet began to lose again before an idea sparked. She could use this. The woman racked her brain for something that would be catchy, yet anonymous. Ja- Jan- Jan- January! That’s a name, she had seen it before somewhere for someone. But what should the last part be? Uh- uh, Smith? Jones? No, no, it’s gotta stand out. Her eyes migrated to the calendar on her kitchen fridge. January April. Her new life.
She bit her lip as she uploaded the video to the app. It was only about 10 seconds long, so it was rather fast. Now a video of her ripping ass was out there for freaks to watch. She took a deep breath and looked up. It was 1:15. Wait, how long had she spent on that? Janet frantically opened her laptop back up to find the meeting was over. Her heart sank seeing the email notification pop up. “Great, guess I’ll just get fired on Monday then!”
Janet panicked for a second before calming down. She wasn’t gonna get fired for farting on camera, plus she had enough tenure at Eprobo to brush past missing a couple of minutes. She opened the email from Melissa. “Hey Janet, why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the day off?” The woman gulped, then shut her laptop. What was she gonna do for the next nine hours?
She heard an unfamiliar chime come from her phone. The woman pulled it out to see a message from FindFoul. Someone named kalimba_warrior had already subscribed to her page. Janet stared in shock. It had been less than ten minutes and somehow a random person had already found her page and figured it was good enough to sub to. Her stomach rumbled. She frantically switched over to the camera and leaned to the left.
BRBRPBRBRPRRBRPBRPRPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She sighed as a deep bassy rumbler came out. Janet reviewed the footage again to make sure her face wasn’t shown. Damn, her ass did look good, even when it was pushing out nasty gas. She uploaded the video, and within seconds, Janet had a new follower. She chuckled in disbelief. Was it really that easy? Another ping went off on her phone. She brushed the hair from her face in delight as she started laughing. She was gonna be rich.
—
“A twenty-dollar tip?! What the, fine- whatever, hey, don’t you flip me off!”
It had only been two months since January April had debuted, but she had rapidly become one of the top earners on FindFoul. The app was still new enough to have a massive customer base, but not that many creators, and Janet had quickly cornered the MILF gas market. She was already averaging about $250 a week. However, if she was getting that much by sneaking videos of farts at work, Janet figured she could really make a killing by loading up on food and making a quality ten minute clip.
The woman had ordered two meatball subs, a nachos supreme platter, and an entire bucket of fried chicken for lunch. She knew it was a lot, but the delivery guy still shouldn’t have gave her the bird. As they lay before Janet on her table, she didn’t even know where to start. She might have overestimated herself. However, as soon as she unwrapped the sub, she started devouring the sandwich. Cheese and meat went flying as she had it down in five minutes. The woman reached for the nachos bowl, pressing her stomach against the table.
SLPBRBPRBLTP!!!!
She smiled as she released the gas, but then an idea popped into her head. Janet quickly angled her phone on a table beside her. The top half of her face was cut off by the frame, but the rest of her beautiful body was on display. As she shoveled cheesy chips into her mouth, she leaned to the left.
FPRBRRBRPBPTPRBT!!!!
She sighed in delight. In only three minutes, that platter was done. As she grabbed the bucket of chicken, her stomach gurgled tremendously. Janet held her gut and smiled uneasily. She was already quite gassy, this might be playing with fire. She waved those thoughts aside. She already ordered all of this food, so she was gonna eat it. As the woman tore into a chicken thigh and swallowed it, she paused for a second.
EUEURORORRRORRRRPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
After her meaty belch, she waved her hand in front of her mouth. The foul taste of the meatballs and nachos had stuck on her tongue and nostrils. Janet quickly drank some wine to get rid of the awful flavor. About halfway through the bucket, the woman heard her stomach roar out and bubble again. She quickly leaned forward.
SLPRBRBRPRR!!!!!!!!!!! BRPBRPRPRPPPP!!!!! FPRP!!!
“Oh, fuck.” She murmured as the greasy gas left her asshole through three shotgun blasts. Janet quickly covered her mouth. She had never spoken in any of her videos before. The woman was worried that someone may recognize her voice. It had only been a couple of minutes, but this video was already coming out fantastic, she couldn’t scrap it. She quickly grabbed another thigh and took a huge bite. She had to think of something.
SLFBSFPLSBFSPBPFSPP!!!!!!!!
“Oh yeah, I bet you like that, huh, you… gross guy?” What? Was she dirty-talking? “Oh yeah… sniff that, dude!” She was at least attempting to talk dirty. As Janet opened her mouth to sneer, she caught a mouthful of her own foul gas. Tasting her ass’ nasty particles, she instantly started coughing as her eyes started watering. She would have to finish that last sub pretty soon. She needed some strength. The woman finished her glass of wine nearly instantly and poured another one. She took a couple more bites out of the last meatball sub.
BPRBRPBRRPRPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, wow!” She bit her lip as she felt some moisture come out. As she looked over, she saw a notification start to buzz. “Crap!” Janet quietly said as she leapt for the phone and answered the call. “Nicole, hey honey, how you doing, everything good?” Janet said rapidly, biting her lip. “Hey Mom, just wanted to call to catch up-” “That’s great dear, but to be clear, you’re not in the hospital, you’re not dying, right?!” The mother said rapidly as her stomach gurgled. “What!? No Mom, I’m goo-”
SLRBPLRBPRBRBPRBRPBRSBRPSBPRBRPBPPRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janet could hear Nicole start to crack up. “Ok, bye, love you!” The woman said, quickly running to the couch. She brought the bottle and glass along with her. As she chugged the red wine, everything seemed to slow down. The turmoil in her stomach calmed down, if only for a few minutes. Finally, she was ready.
Janet stumbled while laughing, trying to carefully set down her glass of wine. She spent minutes trying to set up her new phone tripod on the couch, accidentally knocking it down a couple of times. Finally, she oriented it the way she envisioned. The woman lay on her side, one leg crossed over the other, her luscious ass taking up about forty percent of the screen. One hand rested on her thigh while the other propped her head up. She was wearing a long-sleeved blouse that revealed her perky breasts sensuously. “Siri, turn on camera!” She yelled.
“Oh my, you bad boy!” She tried to seductively say. “I can’t believe I caught you looking at- sniffing my farts. Man, you are so in trouble!’
RBPRBRBRRBRBRBRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A low rumbler left her ass and shook the fabric of her jeans. There was definitely some more wetness to that one. The woman carefully started sliding her pants down her sideways legs. “Now you are gonna smell my gas, all of it!” That’s probably what they said in those videos. Janet’s cheeks strained against her tight pink panties, outlining the clear sweat and dampness of her buttcrack.
“If you like looking at it so much, you should appreciate every part of it!” She yelled. Now that she was getting into character, she could see why people liked this so much.
SLFLFLTPPFLPLTPLFPLFFPFPLLFFPLFPFLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
She shot out a high-pitched bubbler that darkened her panties. “You know, you are going to smell this, and worship it, and appreciate it!” Janet said somewhat ironically, though she wasn’t sure how much. She only had one more fart left in her anyway, so the woman was going to make it a good one.
RBPRBPRBRBPRBRPRBPRBRPRRPRPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janet bit her lip in delight as the worst smelling fart she had maybe ever shot out exploded out her buttcheeks. Each wrinkle on her hole folded and opened randomly as it left and she could feel every atom of movement. It poured out of her like a waterfall, flowing naturally. She smiled and closed her eyes until she started feeling a weight against her left buttcheek. Janet was shitting herself.
Was this even allowed on FindFoul? She was about to find out. She sighed and chuckled in relief as a two-inch thick cable started coiling itself between the fabric of her panties and her skin. The pile shook and grew with that signature crackle. Janet loved the way the heat and the crunchiness felt against her cheeks. The pile had to be at least half a meter high. She basked in the greatness and thought of how much money she would be raking in. The woman’s phone was shaking with notifications of people subscribing to her. Until the smell hit her.
It snapped out of her alcohol and horniness fueled state. Janet stared back at the pile she had just made. “Shit, man! How do I get the crap smell out of a couch?”