Goldilock Gas
by chemicalvacuum

Warning: this is not a normal fart fetish story. This story is very emotional and deals with feelings such as pain, sadness and hopelessness. The views expressed here are the protagonist's and don't necessarily reflect mine.

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"Welcome to the facefarting center", said the administrator.

"I'd like to book a facefarting session with a girl", I said, with my heart beating fast as it's my first time ever doing this.

"It's 1G per minute", she said, smiling.

"Okay, 60 minutes, please", I said, shy.

"Do you have any preference?", she asked.

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"Like hair color, ethnicity, weight, fart smell", she explained.

"No, a random girl is fine", I said.

"Got it. Please wait", she said, smiling cutely.

I wait and should be happy. I'm 28 now and it has been my fantasy for literally half of my life. Half of my life that has been wasted, not having my fantasy fulfilled, but now everything has got to change, because now I can have what I want and I'll finally be happy after waiting so much in frustration and sadness. I will be so happy and my dark energy will finally disappear from my body, leaving me to enjoy the pleasure. It's finally a reality.

A 27 year old blonde girl stood in front of me.

"Hi, my name is Dorothy and we can begin our session~", she said, smiling happily.

I shivered but was happy.

"It's 60G", she said, smiling.

I gave her the money and we can now begin the session.

I can't believe this is happening in my life. This center opened this year and I was worried about going here at first but now I see people are very friendly here, so I have nothing to worry about. I'm going to smell the best thing I've ever smelled in my entire life!

"You can lay down on this bed, let's begin~", she said.

I lay down on this bed and wait for her to get undressed. My heart is beating so fast and I'm so happy. The anticipation of pleasant feelings is pleasant itself, and it's happening. I'm seeing her pulling her panties down and seeing her beautiful naked body. She's smiling at me and drawing nearer, placing her butt in front of my face, her feet behind my head and her knees near my arms and chest. I finally put my nose in her butthole and wait to be "gassed" by a beautifully fragrant non-toxic gas.

"Are you ready?", she asks, probably smiling, although I'm not sure, because I can't see her face from here.

"I'm ready!", I say, smiling enthusiastically.

*pppbbbrrrfffttt*

A warm gust of wind just hit my face. Sadly, it doesn't smell. At all. But I know it's not her fault.

"Do your farts usually stink?", I ask, curious.

"No", she says, in a shrugging tone.

"Oh, okay. Do your farts ever stink?", I ask.

"Rarely", she says.

"I'm sorry, but, I don't like it. Can I leave and have my money back?", I ask.

"You can leave but you can't have your money back", she explains.

I left.

"Is there any girl with extra stinky farts?", I ask the administrator.

"There are plenty!", she says, smiling.

(Lucky me, then), I thought sarcastically.

"Then, I'd like to book a facefarting session with one of said girls tomorrow", I say, smiling.

"Okay", she says, "Come back tomorrow!", she smiled at me.

I walked to the exit door and thought how exciting tomorrow will be. I had my first face farting session today but I won't count it since her farts didn't smell. My first real face farting session will be tomorrow! The administrator said her farts will be extra stinky, and I'm really looking forward to it. Finally my life will be exciting! 28 years of sadness and desolation will finally be paid off!

I walk home. I'm surrounded by hundreds of people, but somehow I'm still feeling lonely, for they don't interact with me. I watch the Sun go down. Civil twilight has started, soon to be followed by nautical and astronomical twilight, then, utter darkness, only softened by artificial illumination. But there is nothing that softens the pain I feel inside.

I go to my home. There's no one welcoming me, and it's been like this since I was 24, four years ago. Sometimes I would like someone hugging me and soothing me, but eventually I helplessly gave in. I open up my social network account, post some screens of me playing videogames and share happy emoticons. I know no one will read the things I write anyway. Perhaps I can make friends with the girls from the face farting center? That's a possible option, I need to fight these horrible feelings!

I wear headphones and listen to some sad music, it helps me know I'm not the only one feeling like this! I feel like there are so many people that would care about me, if only I knew them...

Since I have nothing to do to have fun, I lie down on the couch, waiting to be embraced by a comforting sleep.

I try to think about happy things but I fail miserably: these things will never happen to me. I'm trapped in a sad reality with no possibility to escape. The world is crumbling under me and I'll eventually fall into an abyss of darkness. If only I could meet my angel. No, at the moment of death I'll still be sad. There's no reason to be awake anymore at this point, I close my eyes and wait to fall asleep without further thinking.

"Don't worry, come here", said a comforting voice.

Is my pain over? Have I finally found happiness?

"I'm your friend", said a guy, smiling.

A warm and comforting light comes from that guy. I go towards him and feel a sense of inner peace. I'm finally free. I smile and go in for a hug. As I walk towards him, he keeps getting far from me, so no matter how much I walk or run, I'll never reach him.

Suddenly, a scary demon voice yells at me, and everything turns deep red.

I wake up trying to scream but no sound comes out, my body is paralyzed and I can feel an evil presence in my room. I hear two dogs growling behind the couch. My heart beats fast and I can't swallow.

Hypnagogia has ended.

I can move again, immediately turn the light on and start crying. Being alone is sad and scary. I watch some farting animations and try to calm down. What a scary nightmare! I drink some lavender and again, try to calm myself down.

It's 3 A.M. and honestly I don't feel the need to sleep anymore until next night.

At least today I'll receive the treatment I always desired. At least that aspect of life is going to be fine. I'm going to work in a few hours, life is only made of working, even though yesterday I had a bit of fun anyway. I wonder if there are better realities out there. Oh, perhaps it's just my vivid imagination. There's no reality apart of this one, yet, daydreaming costs nothing (and yields nothing).

I walk to work. My job consists of washing dishes in a low-class restaurant. I wonder if, one day, other realities will be found... how silly I am, of course not. I'm stuck in this reality and can't escape until the day I'll die. But perhaps it's not even that bad. It could have been worse, I could have been born in a reality where people routinely killed each other and made each other suffer. I just happened to be born in a lonely cold-hearted reality.

"Don't you ever feel lonely?", I ask a coworker during my pause.

"I don't know what you talk arō (I don't know what you're talking about)", he said, in a thick local accent, before leaving me alone.

Perhaps I'm the only one in this reality who can feel this emotion. Perhaps my body is from another reality, but I was born here. It's just a metaphor, I know it can't be possible. I keep washing dishes, thinking about the good things life has to offer. Why can't people be friends with each other? Why can't we ask for help? Why can't we show our feelings? Maybe I'm the only one who has feelings here, or maybe everyone else is hiding them. I don't know. I should think about the good things.

At least in this reality people don't whip others just because they have a different opinion about morality. Šäft (it's okay).

At least in this reality people don't kill others just because they don't agree about who created the world and the rules she gave us. Šäft.

At least in this reality people don't make non-violent people intentionally suffer under the false premise of working for "justice". Šäft.

That would be a horrible reality. It's a good thing other realities don't exist, and this one isn't as bad as what I can create with my imagination.

Šäft.

Why am I not feeling better then? The reality I imagined can't possibly exist, for it's too extreme. I just wish friends were a thing here.

But it's just me. Not only I'm alone, it seems like, even though everyone else is alone like me, they don't seem to feel bad. I don't know if they're hiding it or if they truly feel alright.

But I shouldn't worry about this, I'm just washing dishes. I should only think about working and let my own thoughts fade away. This is the fate I'm destined to. It seems like thinking is not appreciated in this reality. Everything would seem so shallow if I were to think the same way as they think. I'm a deep thinker who analyzes everything and I don't think I can ever dumb myself down voluntarily.

Every day is the same. I wake up, browse the Eguš, play videogames, go to work, come back home, play videogames until realizing that I'm an anomaly. I feel bad for being alone, when they told me being alone is the human nature. They told me needing to talk to someone is an illness, not to mention being physically affectionate. That would lead to sex, they say, which is only meant for reproduction and it's "not a game". I wish life was different and that death didn't exist, but perhaps I have to accept it. Perhaps death is just a trip into another reality, a better reality, I hope. I don't want all my knowledge to be swept away. I want to feel good at least once in my life. Today is the good day, because I'll be facefarted by a girl with extra stinky farts. I have to be optimist and hope everything is going to be fine. It's hard to be optimist when you have ideals to carry on but literally nobody agrees with you. If they want to be alone, it's okay for me, but am I really such an anomaly, that I need company? Am I from another reality? I need answers, why do I need company? Why do I always talk to myself? Thousands of questions but the answer is far away.

And yet another day of work has passed. I finished washing dishes and left, for my working time is over. I'm feeling like I don't have the energy to do anything except washing dishes, it's like my body is wired appositely for that. All work and no fun: looks like fun's not allowed here. I want to be creative, but I've never been. All I can do is write and I'm not even good at that. Good thing a girl with super stinky farts awaits me so I can have a bit of fun. I often feel my heart pounding and a grip on my stomach and throat. I believe it's called "anxiety". I don't want to be anxious. Eţpaòļ torture anxious people with dangerous substances for the brain that make them suffer. I don't want that. I won't tell anyone about my anxiety. I breathe deeply and walk to the facefarting center, for it will get rid of my secret anxiety. Boredom, loneliness and apathy are better than being tortured, aren't they? I always had a strong fear of Eţpaòļ.

I enter the facefarting center.

"Welcome", said the administrator, smiling.

"I booked a facefarting session with a girl", I said, showing the ID.

"She's waiting for you in room 16", she said.

"Okay", I replied

I started walking to room 16 with my heart pounding. I wonder how stinky her farts will be, I've never smelled stinky farts since mine have a very weak smell. I've always wondered how stinky a fart can smell and if there's a limit to how stinky a fart can smell. Today I'll probably find it out and I'll finally be happy. Anxiety can go to hell now, I'll always be happy from now on. My pain is finally over and my life is smiling at me now. I hope nothing can go wrong, you know the saying:"What can go wrong, will go wrong"? Well, what can happen now? Nothing bad, I hope. Strangely, I'm having a deja-vu. I feel like it already happened. Weird stuff. I shouldn't say that to an Eţpaòl. I shouldn't be talking to an Eţpaòl at all, honestly. Dangerous people are they.

I knock at the door of room 16 and a girl invites me in. Her ID says she's 25 years old.

"Welcome! I'm Georgia, a girl known for her bad gas, honestly", she giggled.

"H-hi!", I stuttered, excitedly.

"Are you ready to begin our session?", she asked, smiling.

"S-sure!", I said excitedly shivering a bit.

"Lie down on this comfortable bed, then", she said, smiling.

I did what she said and wait until she positioned herself (I suppose) comfortably, she pulled her panties down and placed her butthole right on my nose.

"Now wait. You'll be amazed about how raunchy my gas is!", she said, excited.

I layed motionless and wait for her to fart, hoping it won't be disappointing like yesterday. My mind was excited but I keep my hopes low as it will probably be disappointing and it will ruin my happiness forever making me plunge back into a dark abyss of pain where no one can hear me cry.

*pppbbbfffrrrttt*

This fart smells noxious! It's burning my nostrils. I gag a little and try to endure this putrid sour stench, but it's useless as it's making my eyes water. "Georgia... I think your farts are a bit... smelly", I say.

"Don't you like it?", she asks, probably confused.

"I don't. Please let's stop it here", I say.

"Okay", she says, getting off my face.

I'm nauseous now and I need some fresh, non-stinky air.

"Can we please go outside this room and get some fresh air?", I ask.

"Sure", she says, smiling.

"So, I'm leaving", I say, ready to return home and cry.

"It's better you not to leave, because the weather service forecasts toxic rain in the next hour. You know, that rain will burn your skin if any drop falls on you. It's better for you to stay here. We can chat and be happy", she says.

'We can chat and be happy', really? I'm feeling something I've never felt before, and it's pleasant. It's like a distant light, it's warm and nothing else shines so bright. Is my pain finally over? But let's remember: what can go wrong, will go wrong. But if I have no hope, then what is this warm tingly feeling?

"Do you want to make me happy?", I ask, surprised.

"Yes!", she says, smiling kindly.

"Then why does nobody care about me?", I say, nearly crying.

"Do you care about others?", she asks.

"I've never thought about this", I say, looking down at the floor.

"Most people are like that, it takes a lot of effort to care about others, so you shouldn't blame them", she says, smiling.

"But it hurts", I say, sobbing.

"I know, but I'm here for you. Can I hug you?", she asks.

"Y-yes...", I stutter.

She hugs me and I cry, letting my tears go.

"It's okay, I'm here", she says.

I've never been hugged in my life. Is this what comfort feels like? Is my pain finally over?

After I calmed down, I finally regain the strength to talk again.

"I was face-farted by a girl with odorless farts, then by you. I need someone whose farts smell just right", I explain.

"I see, I think I have the right girl for you, if you come back tomorrow", she says, optimistic.

"I will definitely come back tomorrow", I say.

The toxic rain isn't over yet, and I take advantage of this fact to chat with Georgia. I've been disappointed two times, I hope the third one will be satisfying. Maybe we were all born to suffer. I wanted to ask Georgia why life was so bad but in our reality showing your feelings is deemed as inappropriate. But perhaps she's different from "normal" people? I've already shown my feelings anyway.

"Why can't people show their feelings?", I ask.

"Most people wouldn't care about other people's feelings anyway, so they learned not to show them, because showing them would have no benefits the vast majority of times", she explains.

"I hate this reality", I say.

"Are there any other realities?", she asks, confused.

"Probably, but if there are, we can't reach them yet", I say, sad. I know there are other realities but people would call me crazy if I said I was sure.

"That's science fiction", she says. I knew it, she's like everyone else. She doesn't believe in it. I will change the topic.

"Why are people so lonely?", I ask.

"Do you do anything to prevent any other person's loneliness?", she asks.

"No", I admit.

"Most people are like that. They complain about their problems but don't do anything to help others feel better", she explains.

Everything's clear now.

"I understand, if I cannot be happy myself, I will make other people happy", I say.

"You can be happy. I'm here for that", she says, smiling.

Maybe we just need other people to feel happy? But even though I'm surrounded by people, I still feel bad. Maybe people need to be conscious to make others happy.

"Thank you", I say, grateful. I've never received any kindness before. It feels pretty good.

We sit down together listening to the toxic rain falling on the metallic roof. I used to listen to the rain (both toxic and non) falling on my house's roof as a child. I found it relaxing and I hoped some day I would be cuddled and happy. How innocent was I.

20 years later, I'm not a child anymore, and the cold hard truth hit me hard in the stomach (metaforically). There's only work and pain in this sad reality. No joy whatsoever. Fun is not allowed in this reality. I'm so used to feel bad, I couldn't recognize happiness even if it happens. Am I supposed to be happy now? What is this bittersweet feeling? I feel like her kindness isn't going to last long. What can go wrong, will go wrong. And this can definitely go wrong.

I remember I used to think my pain would be over soon. How naive was I. Many people have died without feeling any happiness in their lives. 80 years (or even less) of pure sorrow await most people's lives, and then, nothingness, forever. What makes me think I'm not one of these people? In fact, I am. I'll never be happy in my life. My life will be filled with loneliness just like everyone else's. But is this the case, that she's trying to make me happy?

"Are you trying to make me happy?", I ask.

She smiles and puts her arm on my shoulder.

"Everyone deserves to be happy", she says, smiling.

Something is happening within my soul. What is this emotion? Am I truly happy now? I thought kindness didn't exist in real life. People don't even mention it. Not that they talk much anyway. But why is she different? Does she come from a different reality? Do I come from a different reality? Perhaps our brains are wired differently.

"Why are you so kind?", I ask, smiling and blushing.

"Because I feel like everyone deserves to be happy, so I try to bring joy into other people's lives", she says.

"Do you usually manage to make others happy?", I ask.

"I think yes, because they leave with a smile, even though it's obvious they try to hide it. But you don't have to hide your emotions around me", she says.

"Can I hug you again?", I ask.

"Sure", she says, smiling calmly.

I hug her and it feels very comforting.

These days are so full of emotions. I think my pain might finally be over. At last. I exhale deeply and try to calm down. Being in her arms is so comforting. Finally someone understands my pain, and it's making it go away. I have never been comforted by another person in my life before today. I've truly been blessed: I think virtually no one has been comforted in their lifetimes. But why am I still unsatisfied? I wish this couldn't be considered luck. I wish everyone could be kind and feel happy, but what can I do about it? I think I should spread my message to the world. Yes, I wish everyone to be happy! The pain has to stop for everyone in the world, forever. I wish people would care for each other and had a desire to help relieve other people's suffering. That is the world I want to live in, not this one. I want to change the world.

"I want everyone to be happy", I say.

"Just be kind", she says, smiling.

I never thought about this. Perhaps I was not that kind after all? Perhaps I was just a selfish guy who only thought about himself, and not about others?

"Do you want to be face-farted by another girl?", she asked.

"Yes, please, but her farts must stink just right. Not too little, not too much", I say.

"I'm not sure how stinky you want them, though", she said.

"Like, a bit stinkier than average, I guess", I say.

"Okay, I think I know which girl suits best for you", she says, hugging me and rubbing my back for a few seconds.

She then left me waiting here, alone with my thoughts. I look at the ceiling. Toxic rain hasn't stopped falling yet and everything feels relaxing, but also, this is my last hope: if this girl doesn't meet my standards, then I'm doomed forever. Yes, of course, Georgia is really nice to me, so perhaps I could live happily anyway, even though I know it perfectly, that as soon as I'll come home, pain will come back and it will be more painful than ever before. It's like a scar that is opened again, but this time, the scar is in my soul.

I'm looking forward to live happily. The truth is: I'll be happy today, but I cannot spend 60G everyday just to keep myself happy. I know it will be a heart-breaking life. My soul is broken and can't probably be fixed. Or perhaps I need lots of kindness, and I can be kind to others in return. I don't know, but surely my life has no meaning. We just are born, live, reproduce and die. That's the cold hard truth. To me, the meaning of life would have been "be happy". But seriously, this reality has nothing happy happening within it. There's no peace, there's no light, only darkness painted in blood. We'll have to kneel before the gods who bring emotional pain and suffering, for we are nothing but mere beasts. A catastrophic doomsday awaits for our souls, and only kindness can prevent this from happening, but no one is kind anyway. Georgia, I'm sorry for this, but you'll have to show lots of kindness for me to feel better. But, thinking about it, her words and her sweet voice indeed made me feel better. But I should listen to her voice everyday for my wounds to be healed.

Suddenly, they called my name. I went to their direction.

"Hello, I'm Äštōkèk", said a very cute 26 years old (according to her ID) girl with black hair down to her shoulders.

"Are your farts, like, average?", I ask, blushing.

"A bit stinkier than average but I think you'll like them~", she said, smiling.

I smile back.

"Let's start the session then, come with me", she said, me coming with her in a room.

"Okay, so, lay down and relax", she said, smiling.

She pulled her panties down and placed her feet around the sides of my head, putting her good-smelling butthole right on my nose.

"Now wait, it might take a while before I have one coming", she said, probably smiling. My heart is beating fast as this is my last opportunity to enjoy something I wanted to happen since I was a teenager and I had no peace. Now that my dream is happening I have to enjoy every moment of it and just be happy.

I don't know why I wish the things I've been wishing for decades. I don't know how I got the desire for a girl to fart on me. It's something that probably brings me back to my childhood, but I can't remember anything about it. I can't remember if someone farted near me. As a teenager my wish became stronger but I knew I couldn't tell anyone and had to live a horrible life. Now that face-farting centers are becoming (relatively) more mainstream, I decided to give them a try. I hope I'll be satisfied this time, or else I'll suffer in despair for the rest of my life. My life is not over yet, I don't think it's too late to at least try enjoying things. I used to listen to music alone in my room all day, only music could comfort me during my most painful hours, but now there are plenty of girls that want to make me happy. I should feel happy now, they're trying their best. I really want to stay with these girls as long as possible. I don't want to plunge back into loneliness and isolation, for pain is even more painful if it happens after you feel good. Once you feel good, you want to feel good forever and pain seems unimaginable to be experienced again. Yes, I want to feel good forever, be happy and free, reach new undiscovered emotions and adventures. Yes, I'm feeling quite good now, but knowing it's going to end soon makes me feel scared. I want things to be happy in my life forever, without ever feeling sadness again. Sadness shouldn't exist. Why does sadness exist? Why did the gods made us endure this punishment? But now I get it, we are the gods, we are punishing ourselves with our selfish behaviour. I'll start being kind since today and perhaps the world will change so I'll spread positivity. I can do it, a person at a time. I hope everyone will be happy one day, sometime in a not too distant future. The future is shining bright, it feels warm but also distant and unreachable. One day the future will come and I'll be glad if kindness became the norm, for we are too selfish in our present.

*pppsssfffttt*

Peee-uuu!!! I totally didn't expect her to fart! It stinks really bad but somehow I can tolerate this nasty stench so I keep breathing it in, probably making sour faces. It's indeed very stinky but not as nose-meltingly mephitic as Georgia's. I like it, yes.

"I like your farts, they smell just right", I say.

She giggled and thanked me. As the smell is lingering I keep breathing happily and finally my pain is momentarily over. It feels really good. I feel like my dream has been fulfilled, and the best thing she's probably not done farting yet. I feel like I'm flying like a bird, exploring new emotions and feelings.

Synaesthesia: her gas smells like it's green.

It has a very sour rancid smell in it and I loved every bit of it waiting for her to fart on my nose again. I feel like my nostrils and lungs are experiencing very pleasant stimuli for me to enjoy. Pleasure is meant to be fully enjoyed, pain is meant to be escaped at all costs. It's the biosphere's nature, both at microscopical and macroscopical levels.

I don't believe in finalism. If I did, I wouldn't be able to explain the existence of toxic rain, which causes damage to both plants and animals. I feel like life happened randomly and that we don't have a purpose. We are just the Universe's anomaly. Maybe we live in a simulation made by higher beings. We don't know. We can't know. We can't have knowledge of something happening in a metaphysical space. Perhaps other realities exist, yes, I'm sure about it! My reality is just one of infinite realities! If only I could reach the others... perhaps the laws of logic are the same in every reality. I wish I could discover some kinds of exotic type of matter, then become famous and happy. It's only a matter of time before falling back into a dark abyss of sadness, but I'm not thinking about it and just enjoy this moment instead. I'll have time to think about sadness when I'll be sad, not now that I'm happy.

*pppbbbfffrrrttt*

This one is even stinkier than the last and I'm having serious troubles smelling it, but I like challenges, so I try to ignore the fact that it's a putrid stench wafted directly into my nostrils. I'm loving this moment, I'm feeling so happy. When your dream gets fulfilled it feels almost surreal. It's like an intense happiness that can't be stopped. Georgia's farts were ridiculously stinky but Äštōkèk's farts are just right. I like very stinky but not the room-clearing types of farts. Hers are perfect, in fact, they are perfect by definition! The stink is lingering but I do my best to endure it. It really smells strong and good, and my feelings now are of contentment. I shall enjoy it until it's over, but what when it will be over? Pain and sadness will come back forever. I've spent 28 years of pain, only to find an hour of joy. Living this life isn't worthy, but still, I can't do anything to fix this broken world. Yes, this world is absolutely horrible and if humans were kind, nothing like this would have happened.

Äštōkèk, Georgia and Dorothy are very kind, but still, I think I will never see them again. I will be as lonely as always after I wave them goodbye. Sometimes I wonder what I've done wrong to deserve this suffering. I think suffering shouldn't exist and everyone should feel good. But is that possible? Why don't we stop reproducing, so that suffering won't exist anymore? Perhaps we like suffering as a species, since no one I met before today likes to make others happy. Too bad, but I can resist. I can tolerate the pain until the day I die, I have no choice by the way. I see others as being happy, and I envy them so much. Today is my only happy day I ever had and will ever have in my entire life, I have to enjoy it. Strangely, when you enjoy something, time passes very fast, to the point an hour seems like 5 minutes compared to when I'm suffering. Since tomorrow, I'll suffer again in loneliness, and will live a slow and painful life.

*pppbbbfffttt*

Here she farts again. I manage not to cough but breathing this stinky gas is not an easy task, but I still love this moment. Too bad it's going to end soon and then I'll be so sick I will feel forlorn forever. I will die alone and my corpse will be buried in Kväb Cemetery and there will be no funeral for my formerly living existence. Forgotten by everyone, my name shall not live in history and I won't live in anyone's memory. All my experiences will be wiped out forever after a miserable existence. No one will know about me, I'll never improve anything in this world as I'm metaphorically voiceless. My life is a life of suffering and there's nothing I can do except suffering until the day I die. At least I'll stop suffering then, even though I won't be able to realize it. I long for the day I'll be no more, but for now, let's just enjoy this moment and smell this beautiful fragrance, for not a second of this should be wasted. I will never forgive myself if I don't enjoy it now.

Let's just consider how painful my life will be after this session ends: 28 years of pain, followed by a few hours of bittersweet joy, followed by who knows how many decades of the same pain I've felt for 28 years. There's no escape from this. There's nothing I can do to withdraw from this impending doom. Äštōkèk might be sweet and kind, but I'll probably never see her again. I will leave this facefarting center with a bittersweet feeling, ready to embrace darkness again. The distant light that was warm and bright is here and it's about to fade away into oblivion forever, turning my life into an utterly dark hell. There will be no peace, only torment for my damned soul. I will never see my soul shine again, only a shadow filled with negativity and despair. The sunshine will never caress me again, it will only burn me. It's crazy. Feelings! I dream of me and you walking hand in hand, but the only "you" I get are my dark thoughts, forever and always. My dark thoughts have no hands, but if they had hands, they would slap me so hard.

*pppfffsssbbbrrrttt*

And yet, sometimes the stinky fumes that are released from Äštōkèk's butt bring me back to a bittersweet joy. I inhale them like if they were stinky oxygen and feel like my time here is getting close to the end. They really stink, but the joy is almost over and the warm light in my soul is fading to black. I know an hour is almost over. Will I come back here to soothe my pain over and over again? I'm grateful I'm having a break from my sorrowful existence even though it's only an hour of true happiness in my whole life. I can't remember a time when I was happy before the recent happenings. I only remember sadness and desperation, along with a naive hope that the sadness will stop torturing me one day. It did, but it only lasted one day. At least I'm quite good at describing my feelings, that's a great accomplishment that will never bring me any good in my life, as people couldn't care less about how I feel like.

I want to be around kind people that care about me. I want to feel happy forever and relieved from this suffering that would otherwise linger forever. I want to feel like I'm flying like a bird, so I wouldn't need someone to build me roads leading to happiness. The key to happiness has been swallowed by a deep toxic ocean, there's no way to reach it without dying. No one will mourn for my death, life will go on as usual as my flesh is rotting and my soul is gone. I've smelled enough farts for their smell to be ingrained within my memory. I will remember them forever, forever in my heart. I've listened to enough kind words for their uplifting effects to be ingrained within my memory. I will remember them forever, forever. Even though the knot in my throat has now been untied, it won't take much time before anxiety will make me feel like that again. Being facefarted feels good but will it happen again? Perhaps I should spend all my money here, so that I won't be doomed.

*pppbbbfffdddttt*

I smell it again, stinky as always, the smell makes me feel happy and that my dream was not a crazy one after all.

"Time's ō! (Time's over)", she said.

I get up.

"So, now, I guess that this session is over and that I'll be lonely again forever", I say, without even thinking about the consequences.

"What?", she asked.

"For the last decade I've always been alone in my house and it's been very painful and stressful. Now that this session is over, my life will be sad again for the rest of my existence", I say.

"Wait a moment please!", she said, leaving me in this room.

She talked with other girls, came back and told me, much to my delight.

"If I told you, that you could live with us, what would you say arō?", she asked me.

My heart was beating was in utter joy and ecstasy.

"I... w-would say yes!", I say, shivering a bit.

From that day, my life has never been painful again.