A Gassy Car Ride
by KaryVD

Traffic. Traffic fucking sucks. But it can be made slightly more bearable with a bag full of tacos and a tummy full of gas. *Brrraaaaappppbbbtt!!* I wind up my windows and let the taco fart rise up towards my face. I take a deep sniff and grab another taco munching down on the tasty snack greedily while keeping an eye on the traffic. "ARRRGGH! GET MOVING YOU STUPID CARS!" I say, wiggling around in my seat with frustration. "I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO! VIDEO GAMES TO PLAY! FREE TIME TO WASTE! RAGH!"

The traffic doesn't budge an inch and I lean back in my seat defeated. Might as well put my car into park seeing as how nothing has moved for the past half hour. *Flllbarrlpt!* I sniff. My taco farts are nice but not enough to keep me from going insane from the horrid boredom that comes with being trapped in a car in the middle of the I-5. I pull out my phone, just in time to see the screen go black, displaying the "Please plug into charger" sign. My eye twitches and I hurl the damn thing out of my car. "GOD! I AM SO BORED!" I scream to no one in particular.

"Maybe we can help?"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I cry out, accidentally pressing the accelerator, managing to brake just inches away from the car in front of me. I twist around to see Mel and Kary sitting in my back seat. "Oh...whew. I thought you guys were serial killers or something."

"Why...why would we be serial killers?" Kary asked.

"I...I don't know?" I reply. Then it hits me. "Hey! Wait I'm not stoned right now! Every time I've seen you guys before I've been high! What gives?!"

"Oops. Mel, I think I miscalculated." Kary says to Mel.

"You silly twit! Now we can't use that excuse anymore!" Mel replied.

"What are you guys talking about?!" I scream, interrupting the both.

"Hey! Your stutters gone!" Kary points out.

"Don't change the subject!" I shout.

"Stop shouting!" Mel says, shouting at the top of her lungs. "Ok! Van Dere! Maybe we should explain to her? I mean, unless you have a memory wipe spell prepared?"

"Nope. I mean I could pop back home and grab a memory wipe scroll if you-"

"HEY! Don't talk ab-about wiping my memory in front of-of me!" I say angrily "Now c-come on! Whats going on!"

Mel looks at me for a second, than at Kary. They both remain silent for a while before Mel speaks up again. "Oooookaaaay. Okay. First things first. Your not crazy and we're not hallucinations. We are real, solid people." She pokes me, demonstrating her solidity. "See. Solid. Solid. Solid."

"Stop p-poking me! I get it!"

"Woops. Ok. Anyways, um we come from a parallel universe where your stories actually happen. Well, actually we, specifically are from a parallel universe to that parallel universe where we discovered we were actually characters in your stories." Mel stopped, allowing me to absorb the information. "So Kary Van Dere here came up with a spell that would let us travel to your universe and any other universe we'd want to go to."

"We watched you for a bit and figured we could just stop by when you were stoned off your butt. You know, that way afterwards you wouldn't have been sure whether or not it actually happened or if it was just some crazy dream." Kary said, continuing for Mel "Obviously I messed up a little bit this visit because your completely sober and we're all sitting in this cramped metal box thing."

"Hey, this cramped metal box thing isn't that bad. It has it's advantages." Mel says leaning to the side. "Hey Kary! Err, both Kary's have a load of this!" *FlllbbbbbllllaaaAAAaaaaAArRrrrRrRRRrRRrRRrrrbbBBbBBFbfFfFffrrllllppptttttt!!*

"ACK!" Kary covered her face as Mel farted, filling my car up to the brim with stinky rotten demon gas. "Point that at her! Not me!" Kary says pointing at me.

Unlike my elven counterpart however, I breathed the gas in deeply, enjoyed every second of it and quickly hit the window lock button. "Oh wow that stinks!" I say, my voice full of glee. "Have any more?" I asked, edging Mel on.

"You bet!" Mel hops over to the front of my car, sitting next to me. "Hey what are these?" She asks, grabbing my Taco Bell. "Oooh! Tacos! Burritos! Hot Sauce! WOO HOO!" She grabs several tacos and tosses them to me and Van Dere. I watch as Mel devours nearly a dozen tacos and burritos in a few short seconds. I mourn the loss of my tacos, but I figure it's for a good cause. A good, stinky cause.

Kary finishes her tacos shortly after, magically disposing of the trash. "Bleh. I feel bloated." She leans to the side and grunts *ppppppppppppppppppppppfffffffffBBbbbbbbBBbllLLLrrRRrRAraAAAaAaBbBBbBlLlbBLLlLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFfFFFfFfffffttTTTttttT!*

I swore, I almost saw the windows bulge outwards as Kary's gas filled up my small car. Both Mel and I simultaneously began sniffing like our lives depended on it, enjoying the thick beefy smell. "Oh god...that smell so bad and so good at the same time!" I say.

Mel nods in agreement "Wow Kary, those cheap greasy tacos go right through your system don't they."

Kary shakes her head and groans "Can we go somewhere else. That isn't a cramped metal box on wheels." She gags slightly "I'm not used to farting in such an enclosed space."

Me and Mel look at each other, obviously thinking the same thing. I go first, closing my eyes and grunting. *BlllllaaaaarrrbbbBbbfftt!* Mel follows quickly after with a much more impressive performance. *BlllllllflflflfllfpflpflfplfplfpflfppflfpflFLPLFPFlLPfpflFPlflpfflpFLPfLFpflFlpfPLffplfplfpllfffffFFffFFFFffrfrrRRaRaaaaaaaaaaBbbT!*

Kary groans while Mel and I squeal ecstatically. The both of us are eagerly sniffing each others gas while Kary sits in the back, desperately trying to get fresh untainted air. "Gods! Let me out of this thing!" She tries the handles to no avail.

"I can't!" I say, giggling like mad "We're on the freaking freeway, I can't just open the door and let you out!" I lean over and shove my face into Mel's lap, sniffing up her fumes.

"What's the matter Van Dere? Things getting to stinky for you?" Mel asks, smiling at the elf.

She nods and tries to lower the windows, but luckily I had locked them earlier.. "I'm not normally in this kind of situation! Most of the time if I fart, it's a place with decent ventilation. Blah! Screw this!" She pulls out her spell book and her hands begin to glow. "Bubble!" A small transparent bubble pops into existence around Kary's head. "Ahh, that's better." Kary says, taking a breath of fresh air.

"Oooh. Kary for someone usually so smart, that wasn't a very smart move now..." Mel says mischievously.

"What are you- No! Stay away fro-" Kary begins before Mel dove into the back seat and began wrestling with Kary.

"Woah! What are you guys doing back there?!" I shout "Hey! People are going to see! They're wat-" I pause, noticing that no one around me seems to notice the two girls in the back of my car wrestling with each other. "Huh...."

*FffffffbbbBBBBBbbbbbBbbbbbBbBLllLlLLLaaaaaaaarrrrRrrrrppptttt!!! BllllrrrrpppppppffFFfafFaFfrrtttppptt! Pfffffflllrorororoooobbbbbfffttttt!!*
My train of though is interrupted by three loud farts from Mel. I turn around to see Mel, her butt in Kary's now contaminated bubble, her face barely visible through the magically contained gas cloud.

"ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!" Kary screamed, pushing Mel off and back into the front of the car. "Oh gods!" She screams "The smell! I can feel it in my brain!"

I burst out laughing, tears rolling down my face as I watch Kary struggling with the perpetual fart cloud trapped around her head. Suddenly the bubble disappears, releasing the smell for me to enjoy. Kary flops down weakly, giving Mel a death stare. "Guh...." Is all she manages to say.

"Magic." Mel says.

"Huh?" I respond.

"Magic. That's why no ones paying attention to us. We cast a spell the moment we got here." Mel says. "What? You asked."

"Right." Suddenly the car in front of me starts moving and the traffic begins breaking up. "Crap!" I pull my car out of park and begin following.

"Hmm. So how's this thing work?" Mel asks leaning over and getting a look at the dashboard.

"Umm. I use this wheel to steer, and these pedals to brake and accelerate. Why?" I ask.

"Just curious. So where are we going?" She asks.

"Home. Umm. My place." I say.

"And how long will it take to get there?"

"Well, I'd say, maybe another hour?"

"Then lets make this ride a bit more interesting." Mel smiles and her tail slowly begins crawling up my pants leg.

"Hey! Woah! What are you- Ooooooooohhhhh shit!" I grip my cars steering wheel and began breathing heavily. Mel's tail teasing me, rubbing up and down my clit. "Shit! Mel! I can't Ooooohhh god! I can't drive like this!"

*FlllllbbbbBBBbrbRBRrRRrrraaAAAAAABBBBFffFFffffFfffffffffffffffffRrrfrRRRRRRRRRtttttttpffffoooooooooooOOoooOoOOOOoooobblllrrtttttt!!* Mel responds only with another fart. "I don't know what your talking about Kary! Your doing fine!"

"Oh gods! Stop farting!" Kary moans, kicking the back of Mel's seat.

"Shit, shit, shit." I say as Mels tail goes from teasing to straight up fucking me. "FUCK!" I scream, barely able to focus on the road.

Kary slowly sits back up in her seat, having recovered from her gas induced weakness. "Hey! Mel! What are you doing?!" She says angrily "You-You-You can't do that!"

Mel turns to Kary and smiles "Oh shush, I'll take care of you later." She says winking.

"What? Oh fuck! Are you guys like- Guh! Are you like a thing back in your world?" I ask, somehow managing to speak.

Kary blushes slightly "No...well kind of...not really"

"Nope, we just live with each other and fuck all the time." Mel says blowing kisses at Kary.

"Oh, wow woowoahwoahwoahwoahwoah. Oh god! Mel stop!" I say, almost crashing my car again. "I'm going to crash and kill all of us if you don't stop!"

"What was that? Don't stop? Okay!" Mel says, her tail driving me to new heights of ecstasy. *Bffffrrrooooooooopppppptttttttttttt!!!!*

Another fart from Mel floods my nose and I begin seeing stars. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Then I cum, for four long minutes I cum, I see stars and get visions of the beginning of the universe and somehow manage to keep my arms steady enough to avoid causing a massive pileup on the freeway.

Mel smiles and pulls her tail out. "Now wasn't that nice?"

I look at her with a mix of anger and relief "Don't ever do that again. Ever. Or at least not when I'm driving."

We continue chatting and farting until I reach my exit and get off the freeway. I begin heading home when Kary surprises me with a tempting offer.

"Hey, wanna come back with us?" She asks.

"What? You-you can do that? Take me with you?" I ask as I park my car in front of my apartment.

"Sure!" Kary says happily, "We can take you to our home and any other parallel universes you might be curious in."

I turn off the engine and step out of my car. Kary quickly follows, breathing deeply and taking in as much fresh air as she could. I look at her, than back to my crappy apartment. "But I can come back right?"

"Yeah." Kary replies.

I think about it. Only for a little bit. "Ok! Gimme like a few days to get packed and ready and I'll go!"

Mel hops out of the car and stands next to Kary. "We'll pick you up next week! Be ready!"

*Pop!*

And then they're gone. Like they were never there. I smile and run upstairs to my apartment. I had a lot to do to get ready.